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Alpha and Omega
By Maggie Barlow Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I remember it was late summer of 2005.

After three years in Florida, I was back in St. Louis with my grandma and my dog, hiding from the fifth hurricane of the season.

I had grown tired of hearing Howard Stern whine about how everyone in show business had stolen every idea from him, how the FCC was unnecessarily crucifying him, and how he could not wait to make the move to satellite radio. Being unfamiliar with the radio offering in St. Louis, I flipped around both dials and randomly landed on 590 AM. Some guy was on a rant about some sports thing. I had no idea who he was or what he was talking about, but I was hooked on his voice and his conviction to his point on the subject.

The guy on the radio was Tim McKernan, and I still have no idea what he was talking about; however, if not for the seek mode on my Honda Accord radio, I might not be writing this right now…or anything else I have written for the last two-plus years.

At some point during this tirade, Tim mentioned that he was starting a website, and well, the rest is history.

From this chance encounter, and a few subsequent exposures of my girl stuff on his message board, Maggie on Top was born.

And my life would never be the same.
 
Until this point in my life, I was pretty sure I had only two talents. Actually, the first was not so much a talent as it was my ability to overcome my natural gag-reflex. The second talent was merely knowing what the first talent was. Tim gave me an opportunity to write (mostly about my first talent) and while the jury is still out on writing being a talent I possess, I managed to write 1,000 or so words every week and arrange them in some semblance of order; which did not totally alienate too many visitors to the site.

The original advertisement called for a local girl to write candidly about sex, and while the column did undergo somewhat of an evolution of sorts, sex was usually the prevailing theme and focus. Initially, I wrote about sexual topics of a generic nature, a past sexual experience, or perhaps just about how sex had played a role in defining my character and personality today. Eventually, I began to write articles of a more personal experience type, and I think that is when people really began to relate. At least, that is when the feedback began to increase. For some reason, people seemed to identify with the often predictable and comparably mundane aspects of the sex life of a girl who lived five states away.

My husband, David, has never really gotten on board with what I share here. Oh, he tolerates the creative outlet it provides for me, but he has never really embraced it. Regular readers can prolly understand his aversion, since I often make light of his sexual prowess, intelligence quotient, and lifestyle, all in the interest of sophomoric laughs and mediocre journalism.

Despite suggestions and assumptions from myriad detractors, wannabes, and just plain haters, David and I have a great marriage and he is truly the man of my dreams. I am aware that I out-kicked my coverage when I landed him. I have never met a man with his capacity for compassion and humility...I am blessed.

The direction of the column took another turn when David's best friend, Nick, entered the picture. His presence not only enriched my life on a prurient and fantastical level, the content of Maggie on Top was also affected. Most readers seem to connect with the dysfunctional relationship the three of us enjoy, and Nick is by far the most popular character in the soap opera I share each week.
 
I have never been one to care so much about what other people might think of me. If I were overly sensitive in this area, I certainly made a poor career choice.
 
Clearly, anyone who is bold (or vain) enough to write about their life on the internet, should expect criticism, judgment, and often, ridicule. I will admit I was naive in this area initially; however, as time passed, I became more calloused, and eventually, embraced the criticism and used it to grow. After all, if everyone was just like me, the world would be a boring place.
 
I was hired to help create traffic for a new website. Along the way, I made a lot of friends. I became a character that some people loved, and others loved to hate.

I appreciate all Tim has done for me, and I appreciate the battle he fought to keep Maggie on Top alive as long as he did. I firmly believe that no other publisher would ever have given me the opportunity to write the things I did.

My appreciation does not end with Tim. Several other people connected with InsideSTL played significant and necessary roles in the success of Maggie on Top.

In the early days, Matt Sebek, Leigh-Anne Riebold, and Katie Cook were instrumental in helping me overcome many obstacles. They provided professional assistance and support, and answered what they probably considered naive and rudimentary questions. However, they were always polite, and without them, I would not be here today.

Later, Tim and Ryan Pickett got involved with the site, and both of them were invaluable as my duties progressed into actually posting and publishing my own articles each week. They were both unselfish in providing their time and attention to someone who needed a lot of both.

There is no way that any business survives without someone capable of presenting the values of the business to prospective advertisers and customers. Timothy J. McKernan, Joe Pelusi and Michael Hurst were all extremely involved with marketing my column. I appreciate their efforts, and I am sure it was not an easy thing for them to sell the stuff I wrote each week.

Recently, I was provided with my own forum on the site, and I wanna thank Matt Graves for helping me deal with the added and often undesirable duties involved with moderating the message board, and for exhibiting the proper disposition necessary to perform the requisite duties.

Justin Boyd and Anna-Marie Benassi represent the new regime of technical and creative support at InsideSTL, and both have been very attentive and responsive to my needs as a writer.
 
I wanna recognize the two ladies who will continue to write for the site, Ashley and Liv. If you have not given them a chance, please do. They are both bright, intelligent, and funny people, and I am inspired by both of them every time I sit down to write.

I guess that just leaves the advertisers for me to acknowledge. I am amazed that any company saw my column as one they wanted to support. I know Maggie on Top was usually the most 'clicked and read' column on this site, but I recognize that I am an acquired taste, and my content is not ideal for associating with a business. I appreciate your unbiased and non-judgmental support of a product which was often controversial.

Thank you all very much for your support, time, sponsorship, and efforts. You all have my eternal and sincere gratitude.

In closing, thank you all for making me feel very special each week. Your comments and e-mails meant so much to me, and it is difficult to explain the feeling I get when I am able to connect with a reader via my words...it is truly awesome.

I hope I did all that was expected of me at InsideSTL.

I know I did all I could do, and like the proverbial Little Drummer Boy, I gave the only gift I had to give.

Obviously, this will be the final installment of Maggie on Top. I truly appreciate the opportunity, which was afforded me here, and again, I appreciate the support I received from everyone at InsideSTL and from so many of my readers.
I will miss writing this column each week.
 
I will miss the comments that each of you took the time to leave for me.
 
And, I will miss the feeling I get when I click this site on Wednesday morning and see my words on the screen.

When I began to write Maggie on Top, over two years ago, Tim McKernan promised me that I had no idea what I was about to experience. He turned out to be quite the prophet. It was overwhelming at times; however, I would not have traded it for anything in the world.

It was a wild, enjoyable ride, and an experience like no other I have ever had.

Thank you all for all you have done for me.
 
I will leave you with my e-mail address (maggirl2k2@hotmail.com). If you have something to say or ask, drop me a line, and I will respond as I am able...prolly.

Maggie

Comments
By Phil_Lateshio_Rocks @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 12:28 AM
You're leaving already?? That sucks! You shoulda include a photo of yourself on top before declaring the world you're done. We all need to give you an encore and make you write one more final piece...something that is mind-blowing to all of us and that we get to "see" you on top. Can you top it, Mags?

By JLS @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 12:53 AM
Don't be a stranger Mag.

By gottis legends @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 12:56 AM
Say it aint so Joe! say it aint so! Mags call me!!!

By Anti_ChiTown @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 8:23 AM
Happy trails Maggie. I will miss the midweek read.

By hdael @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 8:43 AM
Good run Maggie, you will be missed!

By Ashley Elizabeth @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 8:44 AM
:( :( :(

By PETAtubeSteak @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 9:09 AM
I will truly miss reading your articles Maggie. They were very inciteful and encouraging for the average guy whose never had those crazy sexual experiences!

Good luck with all your endeavors!!

By blanche @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 9:21 AM
I am truly and utterly devasted. I looked foward to Wednesdays every week. Now what am I going to do? I guess I'll resort to the the only tactic that (sometimes) works. Begging!
Please don't leave!
Anyone one else with me??? People, if your pride won't let you beg, could you at least ask her to stay? Come on, who is with me?????

By ? @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 9:44 AM
Thank God you are finally giving this up. And don't worry you will still feel special everytime you lok in the mirror and go wow I am really a retard. At least now you can focus on your job and being a mother.

Oh wait, well at least now you can have random whore like sex. Um I mean wow you life is going to really suck with out all the pats on the back you get here. Well at least you won't have people making fun of you, well at least not where you can see/hear it. Other then the bars, or the beach, or the mall.

Shit your giving up the only place and thing that gives you kudos, guess that backs up the whole you being special thing.

By Wench @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 9:53 AM
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!!!!!! I did not get past "this is my final installment", because I do not want your incredible writing to end. You have true talent, insight, a hysterical sense of humor, and style.

I started reading your column when Liv started writing hers. Granted, I was a bit shocked and sometimes blushed at your candor and detail, but I continued reading...every week...like an obsession.

Now, I'm depressed. I wish I could threaten you with an ass-kicking for quitting, but I don't know you well enough to do that.

I think that you three girls have been driving in a car with 3 wheels and a flat spare. You've all been doing an amazing job, but maybe it's time to let a 4th wheel balance out the car and have you all cruising down the road to success.

I don't know if you are leaving because you are intimidated by the newcomer, or you are just tired of writing. My guess is going to be the first option, but after reading her column yesterday, I was not impressed. There was alot of talk about stuff I don't care about, and, unlike you current girls' stories, there was a beginning of a story, but no end...nothing was tied together in her article. You girls give us a complete story...beginning, middle, and end, but that was not the new girl's style. Maybe she's learning as she goes...we'll see.

But my ultimate request, Maggie, is that you stay on and see where this takes you all. Give it a chance...you know your loyal fans will not abandon you to moon over the porn star.

By Wench @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 9:59 AM
whoever "?" is is a total ass. I don't think any of the regulars agree with him. Speaking of regulars, I can't believe all of you are just saying "See ya", instead of asking her to stay. To each his own I guess...

By dodgestratus @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:00 AM
enjoyed it while it lasted. thanks

By SteveDave @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:00 AM
Wow, ignore the hate mongering douche bag.

You know my mother always said if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.

Your article was always entertaining; good luck in whatever comes (pun intended) next.

By Lucky1 @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:22 AM
Maggie, I enjoyed your writing, particularly your vulnerability. The sadness underlying your retelling of intimate sexual encounters was captivating in its raw human expression of deep emotion. I’ve said it before - you’re the modern-day Xaviera Hollander, but much better. Good luck with your next gig.

By Cobra Kai @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:27 AM
Maggie, I only commented a couple of times, but read your column every week. I always looked forward to Wednesday mornings and reading Maggie on Top. I wish you weren't going, but wish you and David the best of luck! Maybe you can come back from time to time for a 'guest column'???

By Cobra Kai @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:28 AM
By the way, '?' - you are a complete and utter jackass.

By blanche @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:46 AM
I guess the only good to come out of the end of Maggie is the fact that we won't have to listen to the bible-beating, bigotry of "?" every fucking week.
"?", aren't people like you supposed to be going door to door, preaching about the abominations of whores and sinners. Guess you've had too many doors slammed in your face that you've resorted to spreading your ugliness on the web.

By jtwendy04 @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:46 AM
Come on Mags, dont leave us!! What am i going to do on Wednesday mornings at work now?

By BigAlCardsFan @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:49 AM
I am sad that you are hanging 'em up. I look forward to Wednesday mornings, reading your column to see what craziness invaded your life over the previous week. It was entertaining, insightful, and, most of all, you.

I hope you are not retiring from the message board as well. I know we haven't been seeing you quite as often as in the past, but.......

I wish you the very best of luck in all you do, and pray that God will bless you in every way possible..


By cjcook8 @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 11:07 AM
Sorry to see you go! You were a fun read. Good luck in your future endeavors!

By mweeds01 @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 11:33 AM
Good stuff you produced. Gonna miss the stories. Why you leaving in the first place?

By AU @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 11:44 AM
VERY smart move.

"There is nothing new under the sun." Monogamy and moderation are in the recipe for adult happiness, based on my experience in various states of being. ;)

Good luck and God bless.

By iggy @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 11:45 AM
Someone take the razor blades away from imaspy!

By mbarlow @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 11:50 AM
Guys,

I am touched…genuinely.

I am sorry if my decision disappoints anyone. You were all great to me, and as I mentioned in the article, I appreciate all of your comments and loyal reads each week.

I do want to emphasize that this decision has nothing to do with InsideStl, or Tim McKernan, and it especially has nothing to do with Kayden Kross.

I messed this up, nobody but me.

In the past 6-8 months, I have learned that I would be unable to conceive conventionally, lost my job, watched my marriage evolve into something I do not even recognize anymore, and managed to get myself arrested for an alcohol related offense.

I self-medicated with tequila, and wrote about it every week.

Try and imagine for a minute, that all of your indiscretions, mistakes, and secrets were self-exposed, even in a semi-anonymous environment such as this. I feel like one of the losers I watch on Jerry Springer or Maury Povich everyday.

This job did affect my decisions…this I know. I found myself doing things that I might not do, just so I could write about it later…trust me, my life is no more exciting than most of yours.

I also want to emphasize that Tim provided nothing but a nurturing and supportive environment for me here, and to say that he allowed me to write is an understatement.

Tim showed me that I could write, because I truly had no idea.

By jrinc @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 12:23 PM
Maggie = STL Legend! No one will match her column on this site unless she comes back as someone else! Being real and sexy in a column is hard to do and you managed to pull it off!

By jlooney @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 1:24 PM
Maggie - I hope this winds up being a leave of abscense instead of a true final colum.

By Saintlouistallguy @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 2:05 PM
Yeah, I'm sue it had nothing to do with Kayden.

TOTAL COINCIDENCE!

I just hope she sucks as bad as you did so I can continue being as ass.

By Imaspy @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 2:33 PM
Wow. That was sort of out of the blue.... Bumber, we'll miss ya Mags. I guess life was immitating art a little too much, huh? I can see that happening. This article could probably have done well as a monthly just so there wasn't so much pressure to perform. But life is more important and I wish you well. Don't let the moral police get in your way and good luck getting back on your feet so that you can wake up in a good mood once again. Too much booze, smokes, crazy sex and no job in a public light is a little much.....let the loyal reader base know how your quest for normalcy goes! Thanks for all the great columns and remember you do have a talent in writing. Maybe you can find a more sustainable topic? Thanks, IMASPY.

By cardsbadabing @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 6:40 PM
Mags, we're gonna miss you. Best of luck.

By 20K @ Wednesday, June 10, 2009 11:37 PM
goodbye and good luck

By Phil_Lateshio_Rocks @ Thursday, June 11, 2009 2:01 AM
Hey Maggie, I don't know if this means to you or not. You're the main reason I got hooked on insidestl.com. Otherwise, I would've just lost interest quickly had I looked elsewhere. Your writing and creative thoughts really captivated me. You provided the humor to any blunders or indiscretions you encountered. I truly hope you'll change your mind and stay for a while. Like Liv, I'd like to beg but I doubt that tactic would work. Like the good people on board, we all love your entertainment. Sometimes I leave a comment in your weekly column that's made in jest. It's all in good fun. I knew you have a special talent in writing. I think writing is your calling. Use it and don't lose sight of it. Don't worry about about the few "negative nancys" out there. They are what they are...and you can't change the fact that they're always negative and putting you down. Ignore them and focus on the people who support you greatly.

After reading your response that you're dealing with life issues, I know it's no easy feat to overcome them but one way or the other, you'll have them figured out eventually...hopefully soon.

We'd love to have you back.

By patso7 @ Thursday, June 11, 2009 10:28 PM
No no no no. This can't be true. Your column was the only reason I visited this site. You can't leave Mags! Please please please stay.

By Wench @ Friday, June 12, 2009 10:00 AM
Maggie, after reading your response to our pleas, I empathize with your decision. I'm gonna guess that the DWI was a rude awakening and made you take a closer look at your life and where you really want it to go.

About the babies you want to have...it took me a long time to have mine, and I have a friend that was told she could never have one...well, she has a perfect little boy. It just took getting out of the negative situation she was in and turning her life into a happy life. Miracles do happen, so please don't give up.

Make yourself happy and all the other parts of your life will fall into place. I'm not a bible thumper, but I have two mottos that I live by..."If God brings you to it, he will see you through it", and "God will not give you anything that you can't handle". Have faith in the positive things in life and love your man the best way you know how. Make it just about you two now, and I'll bet things will turn out just the way you always wanted them to.

Yeah, I'm an optimist, but that's not a bad thing. Good Luck, and Godspeed.

By kjodog @ Friday, June 12, 2009 5:28 PM
I have never logged in til now. I will surely miss your columns every week.

GOOD LUCK!

By KMFP @ Saturday, June 13, 2009 6:01 PM
There is a God! Finally, my guilty pleasure of reading this garbage week after week will be cleared and I won't be kept up at night struggling with the thoughts of why I couldn't stop. Though I'm sure that's better than struggling with thoughts of who gets which side of the "wobbly-H" they're performing on me or how to conduct a fake interview with possibly fake 4-some partner when I'm running out of ways to make people believe I actually lead that life. And if I do, EGADS!!
I guess Penthouse subscriptions will climb as most fans will have to go back to the ole' Forum for tails of sex they'll never have/nor that the writer did.
Porn star columnist, your exit, coincidence, hmmm?
At least she gets paid for both occupations.
Good luck with motherhood.

By Ru Pual @ Monday, June 15, 2009 10:53 AM
Do you think the readers would enjoy this column if they were aware that it is actually written by a very creepy man?

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