(week 12) De·noue·ment [dey-noo-mahn] -noun

1. the final resolution of the intricacies of a plot, as of a drama
2. the conclusion; the end
3. Jerry Jones proving yet again he's evil


He has a massive head, an even bigger hat and brings smiles to thousands of children and fans in the Dallas area, and yet, Rowdy the mascot has been placed on "double-secret probation". I have no idea what that term actually means, but I do know that after Rowdy and Terrell Owens chestbumped each other after an Owens touchdown on Monday Night Football on Week 2, the NFL spies shifted Rowdy under the radar.

Now, he's barely seen on Sundays. He's allowed to hang out on the field and interact with players and fans prior to kickoff, but once that first whistle blows, he serves his sentence in the locker room. Oh, and when I say that "NFL spies" put Rowdy under scrutiny, I really mean that it was Jerry Jones who ultimately carried out the punishment. That plastic-faced bastard.

Some uptight NFL dudes got their britches in a bunch about prearranged celebrations involving mascots and threatened to slap the Cowboys with a five-figure fine. Jerry Jones, who had some trust issues with Rowdy during training camp, eventually decided that it'd be in the Cowboys' best interests to minimize the mascot's exposure during games.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope all of you realize how truly absurd and ridiculous this situation is. The man who added PacMan Jones to a roster that already included Terrell Owens, Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson has "trust issues" with the team mascot, Rowdy. The man who added a diva wide receiver from the Lions mid-season has trust issues with a man (or woman) who wears a foam face and hat.

And you know what? I know where the root of this problem originated. It had nothing to do with fines and league warnings, oh no. It has everything to do with Jerry Jones spiting anyone or anything with a synthetically enhanced face. Go to straight down to Hell, Jerry. If Hell will have you.

Chick in the stands unaware Tom Brady's not behind center



Drew Brees developing great rapport with former WWF jobber

Brees completed 20/26 passes for 323 yards and four touchdowns in a near flawless MNF performance. His main target was Lance Moore, who finished with five catches and two scores, one good for 70 yards. This has nothing to do with Moore's physique, but every time I hear his name, I feel like he should be starring in old episode of WWF Superstars. Much like Iron Mike Sharpe and Barry Horowitz before him, Moore would be the perfect adversary to make the Natural Butch Reed look great in under two and a half minutes.

2 Minute Run 'n Shoot No Huddle Drill

Dick Stockton ... broadcasted Sunday's game from St. Louis with his pants around his ankles. Not because the Rams helmets made him subconsciously horny, but because he really had no idea he was ever wearing pants to begin with.

LenDale White ... is a little hacked off knowing he could have gained more yards by sitting in hyperbolic Twinkies chamber Sunday than by showing up for a game.

Donovan McNabb ... didn't know a quarterback could be benched during the course of a game.

Sean Salisbury ... is still a dickmunch.

Rams fans' creativity on par with level of team play

Here is a Rams fan wearing a paper bag. I repeat, this is a Rams fan, not a confused New Orleans native.



Wow. That's, that's great.