The apocolypse is upon us. I am sure of it now. Why? Because Tuesday night I actually mouthed the sentence below as I was sprawled in front of the couch watching what may be the final act in a tragic play known as the 2008 Cardinals' season. As the scene quickly got too graphic for cable, I frantically grabbed for the life preserver I call the remote control, for asylum. As I changed the channel, I saw the angel of death herself, known to many by her earthly name, Hillary Clinton, leading the crowd in "Kum Ba Yah" after months of harsh rhetoric aimed at Barack Obama. After initially being impressed how fast she mastered English, (in the dark world she speaks only Bealzabumian) I uttered, "I am glad Hillary is on so I don't have to watch the rest of this friggin' Cardinals' game." WOW! Is this Bizzaro World? Did I actually say that? Let alone mean it?


Yes. Obviously, anything was better than watching the Cardinals narcoleptic performance Tuesday evening. All that aside, Hillary Clinton really impressed me Tuesday night. Not because she did the only rational, self-interested and appropriate thing to do in unifying her party and telling the bingo-playing overage women nut jobs that refused to pledge their support for Obama that they are being petty children. No, any normal human with a remote sense of future political aspirations and belief in their message would not purposefully divide the party out of spite. But until Tuesday night, I wasn't sure that Hillary met those minimal qualifications. So from one of her harshest critics, kudos to Hillary Clinton for swallowing that jagged pill and forcefully delivering a monumental speech that put into context the bigger picture for the Democratic voters. I was impressed. And then I flipped back to the Cardinals' game...


I hope that by the time you read this article Thursday morning, the Cardinals earned a split. But they were more dead behind the eyes on Tuesday than all of the Kardashian sisters put together. What? Did Al Gore give the pre-game pep talk? Couldn't they get Scott Spiezio to make a guest appearance? I hear he knows how to get people pumped up.


Aside: Wouldn't you love to have a videotape of the Speezer at like 4 a.m. when he became the "too much fun" guy? I can picture Edmonds, Duncan and Speezer leaving the east side after a long night.


Speezer: Hey, hey, guys, where are we going next? What bar are we hitting up?


Edmonds: I think we are going to call it a night Speezer!


Speezer: No way, c'mon, I know this girl's place we should swing by...(knashing his teeth feverishly)


Edmonds: Well, we do have a game tomorrow at noon, Speez, maybe you should tone it down a notch bud.


Speezer: Oh, c'mon guys, what's wrong with you?


But suffice it to say, on Tuesday night, this team acted like they were facing a soft tossing lefty like Glendon Rusch instead of a hard throwing All-Star game starter. We are supposed to hit guys like Sheets and have done so in the past. Not Tuesday. If you haven't already, you can stop scoreboard watching to see what the flubs are doing. It's a wild-card only race for our Birds and that may slip out of reach if we don't string together some wins soon.


This decade we have grown accustomed to playing important games in September. And even if we fade, we should be within striking distance for a couple of weeks. But there will be no help from outside the den. In seasons past, didn't we always hear that we still have the Aug 31st waiver deadline to make additions? There was no mention of any impact moves this time. No, all is quiet on the mid-western front. The upcoming September series in Chicago will have very little bearing on the Cubs postseason position. However, I can already hear the annoying Northside fans getting overly excited at every dying quail of a single hit by grown men with names like Geovany. The bandwagon will be on full display on the Northside with every accounting executive Cubs fans strolling around with an unearned sense of accomplishment.


Yeah, I am not counting us out yet. That series with the Cubs will mean everything to us. Another September showdown involving the best rivalry in baseball. So get ready to make our journey up north Cardinals' fans. Oh, and does anyway have Spiezio's phone number so we can have him get the players up for the games?