04

Is there anything more worthless than Groundhog Day? I’m not sure what the point is - I mean, it’s February. It’s going to be fucking cold until March, sometimes April, and a groundhog seeing his shadow has no influence on that.

 

Back in the early 90s, we all learned wrasslin’ was fake (though some didn‘t listen). On that day, I think society grew up a little. Groundhog Day is silly. It’s 2009, we don’t need crap like this. And until the goofy looking guy in the hat decides to spike the groundhog like a football, let’s move on.

 

Unfortunately I bet there’s someone out there who loves Groundhog Day and celebrated it by going to the Monday Night Raw show at Scottrade…and they are about to leave a sour comment because of the statements I made in the last paragraph. I can’t wait.

 

But the whole concept of GHD got me wondering how it would work if there was a Cardinal equivalent:

 

Would it be Tony LaRussa removing his night shades, declaring six more weeks of ARF events “headlined” by Ricky Skaggs and Bruce Hornsby?

 

Would it be Bill DeWitt emerging from the fortress of doom, seeing his shadow, and declaring six more weeks of Royce Ring signings, buying park benches for the bums who will inevitably live in Ballpark Village, and selling Pujols Packs to everyone on the Cardinals' telemarketing list?

 

Or would it be Chris Duncan walking out of Roxy’s at 8:30 AM, declaring six more weeks of $1 lap dances from the East Side‘s finest?

 

I don’t think there’d be any complaints about that last one (well, until your doctor handed you the syphilis pamphlet), but we all know which one is most likely. And I don’t think I have to tell you - the careful spending by DeWitt has been going on for the past few offseasons.

 

Once again this week/this year, the Cardinals are in a holding pattern. This hot stove league has proved me wrong a few times already, so why be any different now? Just as soon as I think a bunch of FA’s will sign with new clubs…nothing happens. And although nothing is happening for other teams, that doesn’t stop the vocal sect of Cardinal Nation from going batshit on message boards, radio shows, and even in-person conversations. Yeah, I didn’t know those still existed either.

 

I’m all about the Cardinals dealing one of the outfielders or signing a starting pitcher right now, but every other team is in the same wait-and-see mode. Granted, one by one, guys like Oliver Perez and Jon Garland are finding teams, but there are still a number of useful options out there that fills the 2B or SP need: Orlando Hudson, Orlando Cabrera, Randy Wolf, Ben Sheets, and even Braden Looper.

 

So until those guys are off the board, I won’t unleash my profanity-laced tirade on the Cardinals. Will it be a full six weeks, Mr. DeWitt? Will you make something happen before then? Or will Joel Pineiro really be a major force in your pitching rotation - that is, until he’s put on the DL from May to September for the Jason Marquis-esque injury of “sucking.”

 

I’ll sit here quietly for now, but the rest of Cardinal Nation will tell you how they think, and it’s not looking pretty. Get ready to add another bobblehead night to the schedule.

 

For more HMW, check out www.bertflex.blogspot.com

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