peichholz posted on May 29, 2009 00:00
The Cardinals finally won a series against the Brewers and regained first place in the N.L. Central this week, but the S.S. Redbird is sinking...fast. The hull is full of 
leaks and water is quickly filling the vessel. The pitching staff is frantically removing water, buckets at a time, but the offense’s buckets have gaping holes in them and the water is rising to dangerous levels. Soon the boat will fill with water and capsize, sinking the S.S. Redbird to the bottom of the muddy Mississippi…never to return.
Despite their recent return to winning ways, the Cardinals are living on borrowed time if they don’t find a way to improve their dismal offense. Watching their feeble swings in Monday’s 1-0 loss to the Sewers was more painful than watching a bad T-Ball team take whacks at the stationary tee. That game could have gone 27 innings and I don’t think the Birds would have scored. The offense is so bad that opposing teams chuckle at the prospects of pitching to Pujols. El Hombre has seen so many bad pitches lately that he’s forgotten how to hit a good one.
G.M. John Mozeliak needs to send a lifeboat. The recent news that the Glaus is half empty makes rumors regarding the possible availability of Cleveland’s Mark DeRosa and Colorado’s Garrett Atkins very intriguing. Apparently the asking price 
for DeRosa is one of the Cards’ fireballing rookies, Jason Motte or Chris Perez. Done. Take Perez and insert DeRosa immediately at third. Even if Glaus does come back from injury, Tony can put DeRosa at second and move Skip Schumaker back to the outfield. Sure Skip’s been fine at second, but the Shu’s stick in the outfield would be a major upgrade.
As I’ve mentioned before, my press pass got lost in the mail, so I don’t really know if a Perez for DeRosa deal is a possibility. What I do know is that if it is, it needs to be done. The purpose of nurturing a farm system is to restock the big club AND develop bargaining chips to fill immediate needs. Well, the Birds have the need and the chip, if it’s feasible… do it!
Is it possible that this is all just one major over-reaction to a months-worth of terrible hitting and that the loss of one of the Bird’s flamethrowers will send the bullpen into a downward spiral? I’ll give you that. Ludwick is returning to the lineup today and that should help, but the return of Ankiel doesn’t exactly send shivers up me spine. The guy has proven that he can’t stay healthy and he wasn’t exactly winning Player of the Week awards before he kissed the outfield wall a couple weeks 
ago. The offense is LOST.
Mo, consider this my S.O.S.
Extra Innings:
-The ball is a paint brush, home plate is a canvas, and Chris Carpenter is freakin’ Picasso.
-Khalil Greene has been showing signs of life lately. Just kidding…he’s been showing up…to the ballpark.
Pete Eichholz plays sportswriter on Thursday nights; you can read him here on Fridays.
slippery11pete@yahoo.com