“If I suck your dick really good tonight, will you please fuck me in my ass?”


What?…you don’t get those kind of messages on your answering machine? That is almost verbatim of a message I left on the machine of a former lover. I promise you he came straight home from work that night. There is no stopping for a beer with the boys when you have a message like that on your machine.


This is one of those columns you write on faith.


Faith that people will read enough of it to benefit from it's content...faith that I have adequate credibility from the audience...Faith that my editor will even publish it.


I assure you I am writing from experience.


It's time to talk about anal sex.


All the girls just clicked the “back” button on their browser…and all the guys just touched themselves.


Prior to writing this I did quite a bit of research. This research consisted of practical (we’ll call that first hand experience) research, as well as some data collection from various publications, written by so called experts.


Most of the experts seem to agree that a suitable lubricant should be used before attempting penetration of this particular orifice. I am mostly gonna skip over that rather obvious suggestion. If you don’t understand the basic mass vs. space equation involved here, then you probably aren’t gonna get much farther in this area.


In business they say that the three most important things are “location, location and location”…In the business of anal sex, the three most important things are “purge, purge and purge”. Failure to accomplish this could result in some pretty embarrassing moments. This should of course be done prior to any attempts at penetration. I know that does not sound so romantic, so you should maybe take care of that in advance if you anticipate any sphincter activity. A full blown enema is not necessary, but since your anus has just slightly less bacteria than the salad bar at Shoney’s, similar precautions are recommended.


With persistence much like the waitress who always suggests a $7 piece of pie, after you have just eaten a $40 meal, a guy will always try something “back there” although he has crashed and burned on every other attempt. When it comes to anal sex, or the potential for it, even the most pessimistic guy sees the glass as half full.


So I am gonna say some things here to maybe help both genders overcome the myths involved in this act, which can be quite enjoyable if enough trust, communication and patience are employed.


First, I wanna make it clear to both genders, that a female is very likely to experience a tremendous orgasm from anal sex. The abundance of nerve endings in the anal region and rectum make anal sex pleasurable. Don’t forget the patience, trust and lubrication I mentioned earlier. The girl has to relax (resisting the natural reaction to push) and allow the penetration to come to fruition, and the guy has to go slowly and avoid thrusting or stroking until this segment of the act is complete. The act should then continue in a slow manner, with constant communication regarding her comfort. The strokes should be short and gentle initially, and later longer but still gentle. The penis should never completely exit the anus, during intercourse. For me, it’s the “out” strokes…that is most pleasurable for me. While I am most often capable of experiencing an orgasm solely from anal penetration, if I sense the guy is getting too aggressive (and most likely will cum before I do), I use clitoral stimulation to level the playing field, as it were.


So I don’t know, I have probably made this sound more simple than it really is. My point is, if you are not at least trying this type of sex, you are maybe missing out on something that can potentially enhance the level of enjoyment for both genders. That being said, anal sex is not for everyone. Ask questions…communicate…find the source of resistance, and try to deal with the mental roadblocks. Sometimes those can be more difficult to overcome than the physical type.