Okay readers this is a subject that really burns my sexy little ass, so put up with me here.

I will never consider myself a fashion expert, but hear me out and although this particular column is more in reference to women, it goes for men as well and if at all possible, you should do your part in putting an end to this clothing catastrophe.

Hmmm… Sexy, is it a learned behavior, something you’re born with, or a product of your environment? I’m no psychologist, but I feel, it is the way you carry yourself, your appearance, and self-confidence, if you will. Does it get me in trouble?… hell yes. Would I change it?...not a chance!

Just to fill you in a little, my closet consists mostly of spaghetti string shirts, tight but not deadly jeans, and a lot of shoes. I love shoes; especially heels because they finish off an outfit and make your legs look incredibly sexy.

I don’t think there is anything sadder than a woman walking into an establishment, thinking she is all that, when actually she has slut written all over her because she is trying too hard with what she is wearing, or how she is wearing it.

Unfortunately, this phenomenon is increasingly on the rise and does not discriminate by age, gender or race. While these sightings are becoming more frequent, they often do not go without disapproval. These particular criticisms are usually displayed in an unspoken code of facial expressions, giggling or disparaging whispers when the fashion victim is out of earshot.

I have found that most men want their women to be sexy. In saying that, let’s go about it in the right way shall we? I understand most of us have had babies and our bodies change. We don’t have that concave, anorexic stomach and tight little ass that most men want anymore. That is why we “Cougars” have to kick it up a notch.

I’m adding this last minute because of case and point. After I finished a photo shoot this past Monday, a few of us went out for drinks in the Alton area, where the shoot took place. There were two twenty-something year old women in the bar, and myself, along with twenty some odd men of varying ages. I was showing some skin because I had worn a lace-up the front leather halter, a pair of low-rise jeans, and of course my CFM (come fuck me) shoes from the photo shoot, while the girls had on spaghetti string shirts, low-rise jeans, and ugh…flip flops.

We had been there a while mingling and dancing. The girls were gathering attention by doing shots, and dirty dancing on every available and willing man, during which, they showed off the twins more than a few times, and believe me more than enough ass crack and muffin tops to last me a lifetime.

Soon after this activity subsided, I had a man my age approach me, pinch my waist, and say, “now that’s what I’m talking about” I politely said “excuse me?” He asked my age and then, stated that it was nice to not see the extra bulge hang over the top of my jeans, and complimented me on looking so good for my age.

Now that in itself is my point and case.

Ladies, when you are wearing jeans so tight, that you have a double hump camel toe, and excessive love handles hanging over your belt, it is time to up it a size. I’m beginning to think that low-rise jeans don’t come in anything over a size twelve. What is going on with that whale tail, and can you say muffin top?

Okay, so you have been blessed with having major boobage… do I have to sit and take bets on which one is going to jump out at me first, or watch as you rest those heavy ass melons on the bar? Eeek… If you think that’s what attracts a man, young or old (except maybe those already wearing the beer goggles) you have another thing coming.

For example, I think wearing the proper size is a good area to start. Refer to the above paragraph and remember… hanging out all over, and yes, I am referring to the muffin effect and suffocation of your cooch with the whole camel toe thing, is so unattractive as well as unhealthy. I mean, have mercy, we don’t need that to visually scar us for life.

The proper size will be comfortable, yet flattering, and will let the men or women, whichever you prefer, have a naughty thought without saying “What was she thinking?”

Oooh… Just a thought, what about a skirt with only thigh-highs, heels and no panties?

One more than one occasion, while hanging out with my male friends, I have noticed that when major cleavage is heading our way, the first thought that comes into their head is that they want to stick their face in between those big hooters and commence bobble head action... I can’t type the sound they make so you just have at it and have fun.

As far as the upper portion of the outfit, not every shirt has to be shoved into those tight ass jeans. Oh, and do you have to buy the shirt two sizes too small, where it’s so tight it rides up on top of the muffin as if you poured too much batter in the tin? …that’s just wrong!

Cleavage is good and can be incredibly sexy; however, it can be a lot more compelling if you leave a little to the imagination.

Can you say broke ass toes?

How bout a little foot support? There is nothing worse than chipped polish and toes hanging over the edge of your shoes. This in itself is a major turn off in the CFM shoe department.

I will finish with a last thought regarding my favorite accessory. Shoes…they can make or break an outfit. I promise to contain myself on this subject, but I cannot stress enough that men tend to drool over high heels.

They will rarely admit this weakness, but remember, you can hold the attention all evening, by holding his hands softly while gently caressing your heels up and down his leg as you enjoy dinner or drinks.

And, if the evening ends the way you want, you can continue playing with your prey, by wearing only your confidence and a pair of stilettos into the bedroom…

Now that’s sexy.