I have written Maggie On Top for 2 ½ years; I acted an ass on the message board for this site for a year before that, and I have been an internet junkie for over ten years now.


Enough is enough.


The internet is an amazing thing, it truly is…


You can open a daily newspaper from Thailand or most any country in the world, have it translated to the language of your choice, and read the views of a world situation, current event, or the merits and shortcomings of a political candidate from this country…without the prerequisite spin administered by any one of a hundred domestic media agencies.


You can buy genuine (or counterfeit) Gucci purses, Rolex watches, or a plaid Juicy Couture jacket just like the one Jessica Simpson wore…and you can buy it ten minutes after she was photographed wearing it.


You can watch the latest cinematic releases while they are still being shown in theatres, and sometimes before they are even released. You can download the music of any musician (except Metallica, of course), absolutely free, and play it on your own MP3 player…which you can also buy on the internet.


You can play a fantasy version of every major sport, or participate in tournaments and leagues of Poker, Battleship, Dungeons and Dragons, or Tekken with a bevy of like-minded geeks.


You can join forums catering to every interest, fetish, problem, or desire you can imagine…just Google it, and you will find it.


You can even look at pornography on the internet.


Yeah, the internet is an amazing thing, and like many of you who read this column each week, I cannot imagine my life without it.


We get up every morning and immediately turn on our computers, so we can check our e-mail and hopefully get a real letter from a good friend. More often we get a bunch of spam from a Viagra website, offers of a low interest credit card (for which you have been pre-approved), or someone assuring us we have won a National Lottery in some country where we have never been. We check our Facebook page to see who has poked or petted us. We check our MySpace page to see who has left a comment for us or posted pictures recently.


Or, on Wednesdays, maybe you come here to InsideStl to read about the life of a young woman and her dysfunctional marriage.


And, InsideStl is where my column this week is going.


Last week I lost a great friend. Oh, nobody died or moved to some far away country, but still, I lost a great friend. I lost a friend due to the misunderstanding of words and pictures on a screen. This friend of mine understood the internet. She used it daily, just like all of us do. She used it for many of the aforementioned activities…just like all of us do. She used it for many frivolous activities, and she used it for many practical purposes…just like all of us do. She used it to be less productive at work…just like all of us do.


And she used it to share her life and her gift with all of you…just like I do.


Yeah, the popular column on this site, “Prada to Parenthood” will no longer be a part of InsideStl.


I said that my friend “understood” the internet, and she used it accordingly. She recognized the internet for what it is…an anonymous medium frequented by people who largely wish to remain anonymous. She realized that though her words, stories and pictures were read and viewed by thousands each week, she was still anonymous…exactly like those who read her words.


Valerie Werkau is my friend, and she is gone from the internet, at least as a user of the internet, and more exactly from this website. Ironically, although she understood the internet, she was burned by two people who did not understand the internet. People who don’t understand the internet (and use it accordingly) remind me of the people who sit in the fast lane, while driving twenty MPH under the posted speed limit, and then flip you off when you pass them in the right lane.


They don’t get it, and they fuck things up for the people who do.


My husband, David, would prefer I did not write Maggie On Top, but he also recognizes it as a harmless folly, so we do not fight about it so much anymore. He would prefer I had never posted naked pictures of myself on the internet. I would prefer he had sex with me more often than he played golf…we all have our stuff. Yeah, he still throws the pictures in my face when we argue about something else; however, he knows that card gets weaker each time he plays it.


My point is, David understands the internet (perhaps because of me), he chooses to disregard it, and does not let it distract him from the real world. For David, four hours spent chasing a little ball around a golf course, is like me posting stupid shit on a message board. And when each of us finish our respective activity, we enjoy each others company…and do great things together (well, mostly sex).


We recognize the need each of us have for activities which do not concern or affect the other.


When he gets home from Tampa every Friday evening, I don’t ask him if he had sex with Missy.


David does not ask me if I showed my boobs on the message board.


I think we both hope the answer to the above questions is “no”, but we both know we are not gonna fight about it anyway…so, what the fuck?


I am able to come here each week and write with the candor that I do, because of the anonymity the internet affords. The “Maggie” I write about does not define me as a person. It is part of who I am, I have no reservation in writing about it, and I am not ashamed or embarrassed by anything I reveal on here…because it is the internet.
I would not come on here each week and reveal my ATM PIN number, my social security number, my savings or checking account balance, or financial situation…those things are personal.


However, I have no problem sharing my breasts (in image or description), my sex life, my husband’s phallic dimension, my fantasies, or my sexual activity…in graphic detail…these things are less personal, in my opinion. We all have sex, half of us have breasts, the other half have penises, and I would be shocked beyond shock, if I have ever written about a sexual activity which at least one of you had not tried.


Every week, people post comments in reaction to the stuff I write. Every week, I get called an attention whore, a dumb slut, an idiot, and an untalented hack. It’s all good. Yeah, I would prefer that everyone wrote and told me what an amazing writer I am, but that is not realistic…nor would it be accurate. I have no problem with the haters who comment, because it is the internet, and these people understand it.


The internet has it all…you can find a cure for what ails you, you can buy a car, order Chinese food, or just watch some people have sex.


The internet is full of innocent flirting, disingenuous insults, boastful smack talk, and tall tales of sexual adventures.


The internet is rich in poignant and profound writings by talented people who are looking for an outlet for their creativity and opinion.


I will let each of you decide where I fall in all of that.


It’s the internet, people…use it for what it is, and do not judge others for using it differently.