Dear Michael,

First off, congratulations on your unbelievable worldly accomplishments. You deserve all the accolades and endorsements coming your way! (And between you and me, there's no way you'd lose to Mark Spitz). If you'd ever like to come for a tour of the stadium or rally my troops, feel free. We're coming off a difficult season as you probably know, so any motivation from an 8 time gold medal winner would be welcomed and encouraged. We won't hold your Michigan alumni status against you, !LOL!

Also, I'd like to express my sincere gratitude for being such an inspiration to me. It may be hard to believe, but even a Super Bowl-winning offensive coordinator and college football head coach can forget who he is and what he stands for. Thanks to you, I'm feeling better both physically and mentally.

Ever since I saw the report about your daily caloric intake, I've been a changed man. For years everyone was on my case about my cholesterol and excessive weight; now that I've taken up the Phelps diet, no one says a word. I'm following your strict guidelines for 12,000 calories a day and then I work it off through 8-12 hours of coaching and film session.

It's great and I feel like a changed man. I finally look forward to eating again. I use this as a basic outline for what I should be eating:

Breakfast: Three fried egg sandwiches; cheese; tomatoes; lettuce; fried onions; mayonnaise; three chocolate-chip pancakes; five-egg omelet; three sugar-coated slices of French toast; bowl of grits; two cups of coffee

Lunch: One pound of enriched pasta; two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise on white bread; energy drinks

Dinner: One pound of pasta, with carbonara sauce; large pizza; energy drinks.

Sometimes I switch the energy drinks with chocolate milk (on the days I work really hard) and I'll often overload on pancakes for breakfast in place of a bowl of grits. There's just so much you can do with pancakes; you can add blueberries, chocolate chips, strawberries, syrup, butter, powdered sugar, pecans, fruit cobbler, rhubarb, sour cream, french onion dip. What was once taboo in my house is now welcomed: pancakes for everyone -- 26 of them as a matter of fact. And now they have that Bisquick ready to cook batter in a jug. All you need to do is open it up and pour it on the griddle for a quick and easy breakfast snack.

I should point out that I rely on eight pitchers of straight black coffee rather than two cups in the morning as this helps the process of waste management, if you catch my drift. For dinner, a batch of fried mozzarella sticks, toasted ravioli and potato skins generally replace 1/2 pound of the pasta.

Anyways, I'll wrap it up since I'm sure you're busy answering other fan-mail and filming new commercials. My offer still stands. Come on out to South Bend any time. You can stay at Charlie's house and we can share recipes!

Again, congratulations.

Sincerely,

Charlie Weis
Head Coach - Fighting Irish
University of Notre Dame
Charlie Weis Myspace
http://www.joesportsfan.com/mediaspace/?id=14

PS: If you wouldn't mind, grab Tony the Tiger's autograph if you get the chance to meet him at your Frost Flakes endorsement ceremony. That guy is a hoot! Always cracked me up. He's GRRREAAAAAT!