08

So, did anything happen this week? You know, besides Aaron Hooks taking his big foot and stuffing the fucker right in the pie hole?

Let me make something perfectly clear- I was wrong about Matt Holliday. He’s not a Jesus hating, kitten killing, Don Denkinger knob gobbling, money worshiping asshole I claimed would leave St. Louis more vilified than Tino Martinez.

He’s a great American!

The Cardinals, buoyed by surging profits and attendance in the midst of a recession, felt that Mr. Holliday was worth 120 million dollars over the course of 7 years. It could be a terrible deal. It could be the best free agent signing ever. Time will decide. But the mere dusting of the cobwebs on DeWallet to get the Cardinal Killer back in (birds on) bat is roundly cheered.

True, the subtraction of the contract for Troy Glaus and others make this much more palletable to the Cardinals- but whatever. It’s a done deal. And BTW, why the hell does joe blow on talk radio give a flying fuck what the Cardinals spend on players? It’s not your money, big guy.

I never got guy that worries too much about contracts. The Cardinals are going to raise ticket, beer and parking prices regardless if Matt Holliday plays in LF or not. He just makes you feel a little bit better about the situation.

So there you have it- a mea culpa to Mr. Holliday and Mr. DeWitt. Well done men. Now go win a World Series.

In other news, Tony LaRussa has lost it; Mark McGwire on the post-season roster?

Fucking. Awesome.

Is this not the most brilliant move in the history of PED denials? If Big Mac comes back (which isn’t happening) he’ll be subject to the same drug testing policies now instituted by MLB. Meaning the mere hint that he’d be willing to submit to these tests must prove that he wasn’t really cheating in the first place, no?

Now instead of talking about the presser that never happened regarding the juice, everybody is clamoring about the possibility that Big Mac might step in the box, at the new Busch Stadium, on a perfect October night and launch a cock shot clear across that stupid softball field.

At which point not one of us won’t be on our feet screaming once again for Big Mac.

Just like he always knew it would end.

Stunning work by whoever the hell got TLR to toss that tid-bit out to the media this week.


Aaron Hooks is managing editor of CardsDiaspora.com and a Featured Columnist for Bleacher Report. He writes every Friday for InsideSTL. Follow him on Twitter.
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