Do you ever start watching a TV show or a movie and know right from the start that whatever glowing light you’re staring at is destined to make you want to punch a horse for wasting an hour or two of your time?

Punching horses is much better than killing horses, which Missouri is doing to save the economy. Really.

They are KILLING HORSES because the economy is so bad. We’re worse than Detroit now. The shame.

Anyway, that thing you were watching? It may have half-naked chicks, so much shit blowing up Jerry Bruckheimer blushes AND bacon. Tons and tons of bacon… but something’s just a bit off about the whole deal. Like one of the last Chappelle Shows or something. You watch because you can’t turn away from titties and explosions and delicious fried meat; but before you know it, your life is that much shorter and you’re that much fatter.

Fucking Hollywood.

The Cardinals are roughly a week into spring training and for 99% of the stuff going on in Jupiter it doesn’t mean dick.

7-7 with 23 RBI’s? Meh.

Negative 10 ERA? Go fist yourself.

It’s spring training. Besides the local chamber of commerce and possibly pigeons, nobody cares. Us baseball junkies are happy that we’re weeks away from opening day instead of months. But really, what happens on a daily basis is just white noise. Good or bad, TLR is going to tell Joe Strauss and Derrick Goold the same thing: “Just as long as we’re ready for the season.”

And perhaps, the Albert Pujols back fatigue and Matt Holliday rib cage pull are nothing more than 2 forgettable moments in the most forgettable time of year for baseball.




The realist in me knows that veterans like Pujols and Holliday loath spring training. It’s a sucky suckfest of tedious drills and time away from home. They need 2 weeks tops to get into regular season form and resent those limp-wristed ankle biters in the bullpen for needing 6 weeks to stretch out their collective labia.

But the more cynical part of me thinks that we’re heading for one of those seasons where everything looked good… but at the end of September, the Cardinals are chasing the Cubs and wondering how the F they got there.

Again, I'm probably wrong and these guys will probably be crushing balls all over Roger Dean Stadium by next weekend. I hope this is the case.

But if a small, little, tiny part of you didn’t wonder about which direction this season is headed with the duel injuries to the best 2 players on the Cardinals- you’re in denial. Because you did.

And it didn’t feel good.

Aaron Hooks is managing editor of CardsDiaspora.com and a Featured Columnist for Bleacher Report. He writes every Friday for InsideSTL. Follow him on Twitter here.

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# ScottinCC
Saturday, March 13, 2010 3:15 PM
You might waste 2 hours watching a movie, but I just wasted 2 minutes reading this article. Worthless.
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