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What are we doing here?

For real- just what in the fuck are we doing?


It's April 30th and I'm sitting in front of this keyboard having absolutely no issues with the St. Louis Cardinals. The whole can't sweep thing? Got the Braves 4 straight. The bullpen? Pretty much lights out after week 1 and haven't blown a save yet. Pujols' or Holliday's hitting slumps? Meh, they've pretty much been corrected.

Every nit seems silly to pick. Each qualm is so minor in comparison to every other team in MLB that it comes off as us being a bunch of cockfaces if we mention it.

"Colby Rasmus only has 2 hits against LH pitching in 2010 and those both came in one game just this week!"

And he's also hitting about .400 against RHP and walking a ton, too.

Cockface.

This is a good place to be. Obviously. But we love sports because it's drama. Big swinging dick drama. And if no one in the NL Central is even going to make an effort to try an be competitive with the Cardinals- that drama is going to have to be self induced. Like trying to get 105 wins. Or seeing if 4 guys can get 15 wins. Things that are interesting, but mildly.

Basically this team is ready for October in April and I can't remember a time where a Cardinals team had so little to prove for such a long stretch of time. I mean debating if Jamie Garcia can keep his endurance going through September around the water cooler isn't exactly scintillating.

(Brief Side: Can we all agree that Jason Heyward has a bit of work to do before any more comparison stats with Albert Pujols pop up on SportsCenter? Good. Because he's not Albert Pujols. And we're insulted you'd even think that it was worth the time putting those graphics together. Asses.)

So what are we going to do in this space?

Mascot profiles? Glee analysis? Circle jerks?

Let's see what the Cards do with the Phillies next week. Because if they sweep that series or get 2 out of 3 on the road, then we're really in trouble. We'll have nothing to bitch about AT ALL. It will be a miserable summer of knob slobbing and back patting like you've never seen with a professional franchise in this city.

KSDK will have Rick Horton blowing rainbows into heaven while Dan & Al make sweet, sweet love on the FSN sports desk.

We don't need that.

BJ Rains only has so many superlatives in his quiver. 


Aaron Hooks
is managing editor for
CardsDiaspora.com and is a Featured Columnist for Bleacher Report. He writes every Friday for InsideSTL. Follow him on Twitter.

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