posted on November 16, 2012 08:00
Hey, did you see last night’s hockey game? Yeah, I know, none of us fucking did, because there wasn’t one, and who the hell knows when there will be? These owners and players seem destined to destroy the whole season and kill any momentum they’ve achieved in the years since their last lockout.
Sure, it’s “millionaires fighting with billionaires over millions of dollars” but I don’t even give a shit about the semantics of all of that. Do they not realize that they are at the bottom of the “big four” in professional sports already and that this bullshit just goes to further that divide? What do they want to be, soccer? Jesus Harold Christ, even the idiots who drive cars at 200-MPH in a constant left turn have the sense not to forego their “sport” over mundane money issues.
Hockey players are, by far, the coolest and most blue collar, if you will, men that I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in person. There’s no diva persona there and I’ve yet to meet one who hasn’t, at the very least, bent an ear for a few minutes and thrown in a few morsels of substance.
I’ve met the likes of Kelly Chase, Brett Hull, Wayne Gretzky, Chris Chelios, Al MacInnis, Craig Mac Tavish and Tony Twist, just to name a few, and not to be bragging. Actually, that’s exactly what I’m fucking doing. I’ve met them all, plus more, and none of them gave me the old baseball player “nod and walk away” of some prima donna who views themselves better than me. I’m not “Big Al”-ing you all and claiming arm wrestling victories over any, but I’ve met a few and they were all great guys.
These fella’s are professional athletes who “get it” in terms of public persona and interaction with fans. They’re humble, sell their sport and don’t “make it rain”, “smack bitches and ho’s” or walk around in loud getups as if their uneducated asses are somehow better than ours for the sole fact that they can skate pretty fucking fast, stick handle and put the old biscuit in the proverbial basket.
That being said, how can they not see what this bullshit is doing to their sport, as well as their likability? I don’t know who is at fault and don’t really wish to spend the time reading to form an opinion on such. Why the fuck would I research a column now?
I just know that somebody in those goddamned meetings has got to realize how detrimental this is to a sport that already fights for television revenue and fan attention because average schmucks out there would rather watch some hillbilly put the pedal to the floor while holding his “ten and two” hands at a slight northwestern angle or fundamentally challenged street-ballers miss free throws, jump shots and parental duties while taking approximately 7-steps to the rim to jump up and throw the rock through it like that took more than just lucky heredity and the ability to scream and pose at the camera, than actually watch a beautiful sport of skill, brawn and speed, executed by men who can pass a basic spelling test.
Get your shit together and sew this thing up, boys. I don’t care what all the fucking fuss is “a-boot”, but I also don’t give a shit. Bring an option to my flat screen that doesn’t involve ball-hogging egomaniacs, touchdown celebrating absentee fathers or backwoods-ass stump-jumpers who took the “art” of go-cart racing about 20-years beyond its’ shelf life and consider sitting on their ass for 5-hours a “sport” just because a helmet is involved and morons will part with their not-so-hard-earned cash to purvey it.
Bring it to me now. Pull and owner’s dress shirt over his head and beat him ‘til the ref separates you, slash some bespectacled lawyer across the back of the knees and show your aging player rep whose need to remain relevant has now overshadowed his diminishing ass skills on the ice the door to the penalty box. I WANT hockey and I want it now!
Baseball is over, football is a goddamned joke that’s been reduced to numbers generated for the sole purpose of armchair General Managers in Lazy Boy’s everywhere who have a login ID, self-perceived clever team name and group of 8-similar friends who all think that winning their “league” somehow qualifies them to be in the draft room for the Rams sideshow and basketball is a circus act whose actual rules were dismissed when players lost the ability to even read a book that contained them.
NASCAR and soccer are garbage that I could write for roughly 14,789-words about, in regards to any legitimate entertainment value is concerned, and professional female “scissoring” has yet to be marketed by some brilliant visionary with a pulse on the nation and a grasp of what beautiful physical interaction is really about. I’VE GOT NOTHING TO FUCKING WATCH!
Part II of the “Breaking Amish” reunion show will be over within 72-hours and “Boardwalk Empire” shit the bed when they killed off James Darmody a year ago. I’m bored with my old VHS-porn selection and the Kardashian clan has become too goddamned annoying to even fill the 3-minutes necessary of my time to jerk off to them.
I need hockey…we need hockey… and the world needs hockey. I mean, what the fuck is Canada doing right now? The suicide rate has probably tripled. Get your shit together.
Two minutes for roughing…KMFP-out!
LIKE “The KMFP” on Facebook
FOLLOW ME on Twitter @theKMFP
Cardinal baseball coverage: “The Card Room w/KMFP” on LockerDome -
GET STARTED: http://thecardroom.lockerdome.com