Final Destination 5

The advantage of Final Destination 5 is simple: You know what to expect. They have compiled a group of “actors” who couldn’t get a guest appearance on a shitty show on The CW and proceed to kill them off one by one as they try to figure out a way to beat and cheat death. The old adage says two things are inevitable, death and taxes. Apparently, these facts of life are lost on the hapless characters.

The first film came out back in 2000, and was a mild, mid-level hit. The inevitable sequel hit in 2003. Three and Four came out three years apart. Five only waited two years. The reason? Strike while the 3D iron is hot! The premise of the entire franchise is simple. A “natural” disaster is seen in a premonition by one of the characters. This character freaks out, and gets all his nay-saying friends to safety. Then, death comes for them one by one. Each film has a different disaster and a different hypothesis on how to beat death at its own game.

Final Destination 5 opens with a suspension bridge disaster that kills a group of co-workers on their way to a company retreat. After Sam has his “vision,” he saves himself and seven co-workers from their brutal deaths. The bridge collapse and subsequent deaths that were averted got plenty of laughs at the ridiculousness and absurdity of it all. Thank God for 3D! This is how 3D was meant to be used.

Of course, death now comes for the unfortunate survivors. Tony Todd makes his return to the franchise as the creepy coroner who knows way too much about death. This is his first appearance since the second film. Candyman tells them they are marked for death and that they need to kill someone else so they can switch places with them and steal their years. This will balance death’s book. Armed with this new information, the remaining survivors try to figure out a way to kill someone, or see if they can even muster up the nerve to do it.

In the meantime, the survivors are dying very intricate and gruesome deaths. In the original film, death came in sly ways like hanging one with a clothesline and cutting Sean William Scott’s head off with a scrap piece of metal sent flying by a passing train. Each film has gotten more creative, gruesome, and hilarious. The third film featured someone getting fried to death in a tanning bed. The fourth had a guy get sucked into a pool drain. The best death this time around takes place at a gymnastics practice. It is so long and complicated, it would make Rube Goldberg proud. It also happens to be my favorite, and quite the crowd pleaser.

Make no mistake, Final Destination 5 is not a good movie. It is barely a watchable movie. The script is lame. The acting is worse. The one redeeming quality is the over-the-top 3D. It was great. Why wouldn’t it be? This movie was made to use and abuse the third dimension, and it does it to the extreme. If you are going to see this movie, I highly recommend the premium ticket price for the fashionable glasses. Do not take that as a recommendation to see the film. Final Destination 5 only scores as high as it does because of the 3D. Without it, this would be an absolute atrocity. The final scenes of Final Destination 5 wrap up this lucrative franchise nicely.  I am sure, however, that if it turns a healthy profit, New Line Cinema will surely keep beating this dead horse.

RATING: 2.5/10