Bottom 5 Films of 2011

This year, like all years, had its share of hits (Harry Potter) and misses (Mars Needs Moms) at the box office. There were also the sleepers (Horrible Bosses, Bridesmaids).Then, there are the movies that are criminally under seen (Warrior and Drive) and shamefully overseen (Breaking Dawn Part 1 and The Hangover Part II). Justin Tucker wrote his list of top ten films of the year earlier this week. While he assembled a nice list, I feel he left off three films that would have made mine: Thomas McCarthy’s Win Win, Nicolas Winding Refn’s Drive, and Gavin O’Connor’s Warrior. So, instead of repeating common ground, here are the bottom five films of the year.

5. Sucker Punch
Writer/Director Zack Snyder has given us three decent-to-good films with Dawn of the Dead, 300, and Watchmen. I did not see Legend of the Guardians, but all four of these were based on preexisting material. Snyder wrote Sucker Punch with Steve Shibuya, based on a story concocted by Snyder. This was a first for both writers, and hopefully a last. The story was convoluted. The dialog was lacking. The action took center stage, but was just plain dumb. I only fear that Snyder’s next film will suffer, and that is the Christopher Nolan produced reboot of the Superman franchise, Man of Steel. At least Snyder didn’t write it.

4. The Thing
Cacophony is the best word to describe this terrible prequel to John Carpenter’s beloved classic. Matthijs van Heijningen, Jr’s film was an eardrum busting mess that did nothing right other then finally come to an end after a painful 103 minutes. This film is the reason that remakes are hated and looked down upon. See also Straw Dogs.

3. I Don’t Know How She Does It
This film was based on a chick-lit book, that I am sure appealed to its audience of readers. The film directed by Douglas McGrath appealed to no one. Its poor box office performance ($9.6 million) could not even cover its paltry budget. Sarah Jessica Parker needs to step back and away from her Carrie persona and reinvent herself to avoid another disaster like this or Did You Hear About the Morgans? from happening.

2. Margin Call
Wow. This movie was terrible. There is no other to put it. The whole movie was boring and pretentious. Unfortunately, J.C. Chandor has another one in pre-production according to IMDB.com. I can say, with certainty, that I will not be spending any of my time on his next flick, All is Lost. The less said about this atrocity, the better.

1. Season of the Witch
Justin Tucker hit on this at the end of his article. 2011 was not a good year to be Nic Cage. Director Dominic Sena’s Season of the Witch was one the worst movies I have ever had the misfortune of watching. There is really nothing in this film. Cage and Ron Perlman are disgraced knights of the Crusades who get sent on a journey to take a condemned “witch” to her death. In the end, it became nothing more than a film with terrible CGI and incoherent rambling that tried to pass as plot. Poor Mr. Cage then went on to have Drive Angry 3D and Trespass both flop. On the flip side, he does have Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance coming out in February that should make a decent profit. Cage might have the worst post-Oscar careers ever, though Cuba Gooding, Jr.’s filmography gives him a run for his money.

There are a lot of movies to look forward to in 2012: The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, The Expendales 2. Yet, I am sure that there will be no shortage of stinkers to hate on this time next year, if the world doesn’t come to an end on December 21.