posted on April 15, 2011 00:00
I didn’t know what to expect from adult film actress Kayden Kross the day of our interview. The day before, she emailed me to meet her at shopping plaza prior to a yoga class she was waiting to attend. When I arrived, she was nowhere to be found. I wandered for about twenty minutes before accidentally discovering her in a nail salon getting a pedicure. I waited on the bench outside for another twenty minutes before finally walking in.
“Oh. Hi. I completely forgot to check my email after I messaged you.”
“Yeah. That’s fine. We can reschedule if you like. I just didn’t know how much longer I should loiter outside creeping out the little Asian women.”
We agreed to just meet at her hotel’s coffee shop the following day. After all, gas is super cheap these days.
On the way there, she sent me this message:
Do me a favor and come up to my room. It’s 1508. Just knock, I’m here.
My first though was that, at the very least, I wasn’t getting stood up again. My second thought was, Holy shit. A hot porn superstar just asked me to meet her in her hotel room.
Kayden did not disappoint. She opened the door wearing nothing but a not-quite-long-enough tee, yet she had clothes thrown everywhere. Her nipples were standing at attention to the point that I considered saluting them.
She politely instructed me to have a seat and started to tell me about some kind of allergic reaction causing her skin to blotch. I could see plenty of her skin, and it looked fine to me.
Then she bent over (God bless her), and pulled pajama pants onto her very nice, very naked, legs and ass.
"Ok. Let’s go downstairs. I want some frozen yogurt.”
And that’s what you get with Kayden Kross…a genuinely nice girl who bangs for a living, garnished with the minimal amount of bullshit, and a really nice ass.
J: So is the foot fetish legit?
K: I have a girl fetish.
K: Nice feet, nice boobs, I don’t care. I like women with nice body parts.
J: As a fitness guy…I know you’re interested in yoga, and when I first contacted you, you suggested a vegetarian joint. I had to laugh that you would suggest a place without meat, given your profession, but staying fit is obviously important to you and your career.
K: Yeah, it kind of sucks because it’s something you have to constantly think about, and I know that if I go out and have a wild night I’m probably looking at 100 to 300 calories per drink, and I know that food adds up quickly…I want to be able to just enjoy myself. And with the time changes and the sleep schedule, your body just craves calories. When you travel you’re always looking for a place to workout, which is why I’m glad I found Bikram yoga. You can just walk in.
J: What about when you’re home?
K: I do boxing. I’m getting back into horseback riding. I find that if I can find some way to be active everyday, I can maintain my body weight.
J: On that note, is it true that you landed in this industry because you were trying to save a horse? Or was it really the horse’s penis.
K: Haha. It was the horse. A pony. But that was for the stripping. The porn came a couple of years later. That was just curiosity. I was 21 and had been going to school all this time and there was nothing I really wanted to do with it. Nothing attracted me, but porn did. I was modeling and it took me about 9 months to make the decision. My close friends and family were giving me shit, but if every single day you want to do the same thing you’re doing, I think that it’s right for you. And it worked out.
J: I can relate somewhat. Even my baseball column was pretty edgy; my grandmother won’t read my shit anymore because I say “fuck” a lot. But in fairness, grandmothers aren’t really our audience, are they?
J: You’re friends with a friend of the show Kirsten Price, right?
K: Yeah, we hosted the AVN’s together in 2010.
J: Well, I was helping out with the show and Tim asked if I'd mind driving her to her hotel. Obviously I obliged, and on the way she taught me the term “snail trail”. Do you have any words I can expand my vocabulary with?
K: I think your best person to pick up words from would be Doug Vaughn. I swear to God, man. Doug Vaughn knows more dirty things than I do.
J: I heard you guys on the air talking about “rusty trombones”. It was actually a term I planned to ask you about before that conversation occurred.
K: I had to ask Doug.
Kayden then mishandled a spoon, flinging a serendipitous amount of vanilla soft serve into her hair and onto her shirt. She looked amazing. But I left and got her some napkins anyway.
J: This is similar to a fantasy I had about you recently.
K: It’s funny how eager people on the set are to jump to the scene with all of their cleaning tools.
J: That doesn’t surprise me one bit. So, one of the things this section hopes to do is help guys interact more successfully with women. Why do men become such pussies around beautiful women?
K: I see men do some really ridiculous shit. It’s like they lose all social training.
J: As well as everything that is attractive about a man, right? Confidence and all of that stuff seems to go right out the window.
K: It’s a fear of rejection. They don’t want to put themselves out there and get shot down. But it really turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You put that energy out there and you do get shot down.
J: That’s deep. Speaking of deep things, I checked out some of your writing and found it to be superb. You write very well. Your blog I Love Cum…
K: Oh, thank you.
J: I’m not shitting you. It was poetic.
Kayden laughs at me and either blushes or her Benadryl hadn’t kicked in yet
J: I don’t think that was a joke, was it? It sounded like it was from the heart.
K: Not only was it from the heart, it was inspired by an interview question.
J: No shit?
K: The question was, “Do you like cum?”
J: A fair question.
K: I started answering and what could have been a “yes” or “no” answer turned into couple of lines, and I thought, “I could keep going on this”, and I did.
J: You killed it.
K: Thank you.
J: Everyone talks about the negatives associated with porn. Are there some positives?
K: I think now that porn is in HD a lot more women are going to be more comfortable with it and their bodies. With HD you can see the flaws, that there aren’t all these perfect bodies. I hate HD.
J: Brutally honest.
K: Brutally honest. The fact that you can take a normal size porn and put it on a projection screen and, like, dive into it…
J: That sounds fun…
K: It’s horrible!
J: I have a confession. I find butter melting over mashed potatoes to be kind of erotic. I don’t know what that means.
K: Most things melting are erotic.
J: Is there a food that…
K: That I would fuck?
J: Or fuck in?
K: I think most sauces are generally messy and hot…
J: Red sauce or white?
K: I was thinking chocolate and caramel, but if we’re going with Italian, we can do that, too. There’s also something very erotic about fruit.
J: Weirdest thing you’ve been asked to do on film?
K: Well, the thing I liked the least…hold on...I have lesbians texting me…
J: By all means…
Kayden texts some lesbians
K: The thing I liked the least was this scene I did, one of my very first, before I learned to speak up. It was such an extreme turn-off to me. It was three girls in a cell, and one of them was actually a man who had been cross-dressing so that he didn’t have to go to the male penitentiary. His name was Roberta. Of course, with us being these locked-up, horny girls, we have to jump on him immediately because there’s a dick in the room.
J: Well, sure.
K: So he’s wearing this bad blue eye-shadow, and this bad wig, and this bad red lipstick, and I could not get into it. They put all of the scene on the other girl and wrapped it. My interaction is only with her. I do not like men in bad drag makeup.
J: That’s reasonable.
J: What do you find attractive in a man?
K: Confidence and humor. I know that is so fucking cheesy, but I think most girls, if given the option, are going to want a good-looking, funny, confident guy who treats his dog well. Beyond that, I love curiosity.
J: I’m curious. Tell me more.
I'm not sure she caught that
K: My spectrum of guys I date is so diverse. I mean, I went from Erik Everhard, this blue-eyed, blonde-haired, jock, to Dave Navarro…a dark, into-creepy-stuff, moody artist…completely different. But they both have this strong curiosity. They’re both obsessed with knowledge.
J: What’s the best part of your job?
K: The freedom. And I’m treated like a star. It’s great. I’ve done things most people wouldn’t get to do in a million years. I’ve held a baby hyena. Like, not in a zoo but in Africa.
J: What’s next?
K: From the beginning I’ve been setting myself up financially to do whatever I want. I love radio. I love to write. I’d like to volunteer for something like Amnesty International. I’d love to do all kinds of things.
J: Will you need a pool boy?
K: I want a partner. In the next phase of my life I want a partner who challenges me and has that curiosity, and the chemistry. I want someone who has common values that I can attack the next fun chapter with.
J: I’m just saying, I could also clean your pool.
Kayden laughing, unaware that I am serious
J: Best music to fuck to?
K: NIN, “Closer”, and Massive Attack’s “Angel”. Depeche Mode’s “Martyr”. And anything new by Navarro.
J: Best song to “rusty trombone” to?
K: Probably that Depeche Mode song. Or some kind of marching band get-up.
J: Saint Louis. What do you think?
K: I love Saint Louis. There’s a reason I keep coming out here. I miss nature. I feel like Saint Louis has all the city elements you need, but there’s also trees. It’s kind of the best of both worlds. And I like the humidity.
J: I’ve got an idea for a movie.
K: Oh yeah?
J: Handsome Midwestern columnist goes to interview Kayden Kross at her hotel…
K: I see where this is going. I like it. It’s way better than the Non Gay’s idea.
J: What was his idea?
K: He called it “Back In The Saddle”. I know he’s “The Non Gay”, but that’s about as gay of a title as you can have.
J: So I enjoy following you on Twitter…why should we check out Digital Playground?
K: They have the best quality; they have the best girls; they have the best attention to detail. It’s porn. We’re not going to act like it’s not. But we give you the highest quality product possible,
Honestly, and not just in regards to her business endeavors, it’s hard to doubt her.
Justin Adams is a freelance writer and personal trainer. Follow him on Twitter @Intangiball or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.