posted on January 24, 2013 06:00
An argument cannot be made that my mind doesn’t operate a little differently than the bulk of yours out there. Not only can the locker room at the gym cause me sudden angst about the ever-decreasing elevation of my furry bag of loose elbow skin, but a simple trip to Target will unexpectedly turn my thoughts to twisted vignettes involving a volleyball net from Sporting Goods, stuffed Diego doll from Toys and the 20-year old employee whose ass-crack I got a glimpse of as she squatted down to stock the bottom row of greeting cards. I can feel the burn of your judgment right now.
The good news is that this mental deficiency of mine can occasionally allow for some polarizing and thought-provoking column fodder. The bad news is that this is definitely NOT one of those times.
Today’s topic is one that I’ve touched on in the past, is dear to my heart and an integral part of this shit-mess I bring to you four times a week. It is the complexity and social stigma of the “curse” word
“Curse”, “profane”, “cuss”, “swear”, “foul”, “bad”, “vulgar” or “dirty” words are a large part of the English vernacular and this is not up for debate. Sure, many of us make much more frequent use of them than others, and a select few, miraculously, manage to avoid them altogether…or at least claim to.
I still maintain that even the purest of nuns has muttered “fuck” to themselves, at least once and when all alone, just to hear what it sounds like coming out of their own mouth, which is the only direction that action takes place (another nick in my Heaven resume).
The fact is that curse words are here and they’re here to stay…thank God…as if he’d be listening after that last comment.
I find myself wondering about the origins of them but too lazy to look them up, even in this Google-aided world we now live in. Regardless, somebody somewhere was the first person to say “fuck”, “shit” and “cocksucker”. This makes my heart smile.
Then I find myself wondering what, or who, deemed that these would be such “bad” words to say? It really doesn’t make any sense, when broken down and analyzed, which I’m guessing the majority of you have not even considered. Yes, we are different.
What makes “duck”, “buck” and “luck” perfectly acceptable to the human ear but then makes simply replacing the first letter with an “F” so audibly offensive, as well as forming my favorite word in the English language, profane or otherwise?
If your bone of contention is with the “sound” of these words, then that blows this theory all to heck…see what I did there? You can add “stitch”, “witch”, “mass”, “crass”, “mitt”, “runt” and the fact that you may enjoy “tucking socks” to the previous examples to further the case against this.
Now, if your argument is that the “meaning” of these words is what you find offensive, then this holds an equally minute amount of water. If the “meaning” is offensive, why are you not relegated to equal cringing whenever you hear such verbal-butter as “making love”, “bowel movement” or “lousy woman of ill repute” as you are when those exact same definitions are represented by “fucking”, “shit” or “goddamned whore”?
It’s yet another flawed line of reasoning that is quite easily defeated. Seriously, taking the 2-excuses of “sound” and “meaning” off of the table, there is literally no difference between the Harlequin “romance” story telling of “he aggressively removed the lacy undergarments from her ample bosom and toned backside and made passionate love to her, following a shared period of oral indulgence between two carnal creatures” and the “Fifty Shades”-like “smut” of “he ripped off her whorish bra and panties, exposing her luscious tits and ass, proceeding then to fuck the absolute shit out of her after force-feeding one another some cock and pussy like a couple of crazed animals.”
You’re either wincing right now or wishing that I’d take my writing career on a different path and topple that goddamned E.L. James from the top of her concrete hold on the masturbating-housewife genre, and there is only one reason for this…environment.
We’ve been raised being told what was “bad” and “offensive” when, in reality, these are all just letters put together to form “words”, each with alternate “words” meaning THE EXACT SAME THING, while also having identically sounding words with completely different meanings that seem to pose no harm to the ears of our children, elderly or clergy.
Don’t get me wrong, I bow to the conformity of teaching my children “proper” English and discouraging any of this usage, but it’s purely my hypocritical ass doing “what we’re supposed to”, regardless of how ridiculous it really is.
That being said, at 18, they can pretty much express themselves in whichever manner they see fit. No, they can’t call me an asshole or tell me to go fuck myself, regardless of their age, but that’s out of respect…not word choice. The same would hold true for calling me a jerk or telling me to buzz off, though I’d likely laugh my ass off and hold it more against them just for how cheesy it sounds when they put it that way.
I don’t want to hear “fricken” anything. As a wise man once said, “If you’re going to use ‘the F-word’, go for the gusto”.
It’s really all just another example of us taking everything too goddamned seriously and not questioning the shit that’s been passed down for generations as the gospel, despite the absolute inane reasoning behind it.
Like the hocus-pocus belief that saying “bless you” after a sneeze is in anyway different than saying something as absurd as “dead kittens” in the same scenario, or men washing our hands AFTER touching our cocks in the restroom instead of scrubbing those filthy fuckers BEFORE touching the perfectly clean dick we washed and tucked away that very morning, we’ll continue to say “poop”, “shucks” and “darn” because it’s what we are TOLD is right.
I hate to break it to you highfalutin, “better than thou” types out there, but despite there being a plethora of other reasons you may be better than some of us, the words we choose to express ourselves will never be one of them.
More idiots out there should be concentrating on the proper USAGE of the words that they are choosing instead of the perceived “vulgarity” of the ones that others of us happen to be.
“There – they’re – their”, “to – two – too” or, the worst of them all, “loose – lose” anybody? Loosers.
Fuck that fucking shit…KMFP-out!
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