Occupy!

We had women’ suffrage, they couldn’t be happy baking, rearing and fucking anymore, oh no. Now, they had to vote and, GASP, run for office. We had civil rights. Black folk seemed to have wanted to drink from the same fountain and enjoy a sandwich at the same shop our pure, white asses did…THE HUMANITY!

These movements were but a few. There have been anti-war protests, pro and anti-abortion factions and many a gathering opposed to a myriad of things. Today, however, marked the 1-year anniversary of the most ridiculous “movement” to ever grace our path.

When you’re anti-fur, you may be marching naked to represent the fur you won’t wear or tossing blood on those who do. When you’re against abortion, you may organize sit-ins at their facilities or block the entrance to their establishments. And when you’re anti-war, you’ll march on Washington and vocalize your beliefs.

But today was the 1-year anniversary of the most ludicrous, haphazard, disorganized “movements” of all time. A year ago today, a group of douche bags showed up in a park, pitched a tent and called themselves the “occupy” movement.

They never had a centralized leader, or focal point, and failed to establish any inkling of identity. They were pissed off because you had something and they didn’t. YOU were the 1%, the “haves” and the entitled. They, in their feeble little skulls, were the 99%, the “left behind”, the true Americans. What they really were was the fucking lazy.

As I said before, while an adamant fur opponent may go naked to centralize his/her point, or a green energy nut-bag will ride a bike everywhere and shove recycling up your ass, these “occupy” shitheads were the masters of contradiction. We are against corporate greed and capitalism. To prove that, we’ll camp out in front of Wall Street in tents, living as bare as the modern human being can…except for one little thing. We’ll logon to Facebook, barrage our Twitter accounts and keep our opposable thumbs busy sending texts and updating statuses to keep you abreast of our inane activity.

You see, corporate greed and capitalism are a bad thing until it comes to taking away my creature comforts. You lousy, greedy fuck-bags take advantage of the disenfranchised and monopolize your product. But I’ll be goddamned if I’ll give up that very product when it helps me get the word out on my little protest, keeps my “World of Warcraft” character alive, gives me clear instructions for “pitching a tent” in the first place, or keeps me in constant contact with my hippie, fuck-stick friends.

No, no, no, that sort of capitalism doesn’t bother me at all. “Convenient” capitalism, I’ll call it. Fuck you greedy, big business assholes and all you stand for…unless your name is Apple, Microsoft, Sony or Google. That’s right, you consumption-driven killers of the earth. You better recycle every goddamned thing that’s not edible or biodegradable, unless it’s a computer chip or other sci-fi creation that furthers my advancements in being a fucking slug.

Personally, I’d rather have plastic and tire burning parties out back of my residence, while spraying aerosols in the air and roasting spotted owls on a goddamned spit, but that’s here nor there. These little hypocritical, no-job-having jitbags and their goddamned tents, likely bought at Walmart on mommy’s credit card, had no direction, plan or idea of what the fuck they even thought they stood for.

“You have money and we don’t” was their centralized message. So, they left the comforts of Mr. and Mrs. Pussy-Ass Parent’s basement for a few weeks and took up residence at city parks, partnering with the homeless and shitting in the alley. What a difference you made in this world!

Before you knew it, “encampments” experienced rape and theft, while lucky not to experience syphilis and anarchy. Shame was never a problem. Yes, those with a message and an axe to grind were soon joined by the homeless and down-and-out. They felt your pain. No, asshole, they preferred free meals, blankets and space heaters to their usual confines underneath bridges and on the steps of churches and rescue missions. Your message could’ve been killing kittens and fucking unicorns right in their happy asses, for all they cared, provided you gave them shelter and sustenance.

Half of your asshole supporters couldn’t form a logical “reason” for your very existence, when pressed by media, but still you held strong, camping and screaming. I’d somewhat respect your diligence if you were actually sacrificing employment or comfort to get your hapless point across, but you had nowhere else to go and I watched you repeatedly in the backdrop of the local news making phones calls, texting and pecking on your laptops like they were a crack dealer’s cock and you were hurting for a fix.

The hypocrisy and irony seemed lost on every one of you fucking morons. Just as you were claiming momentum and solitude, the weather turned cold and half your “members” returned to their parent’s heated basements. Sure, they’ll still loudly proclaim the influence of “the man” and all that it is that keeps them down and relegated to hours of game-play and a wardrobe of comic book t-shirts and jorts.

They’ll hate the “rich” and the hard working, entrepreneurial risk-taker who makes something out of himself and continue to blame the rest of the world for the fact that they can’t find a job, or pussy for that matter. But as long as they can post about it on social networking, text their other ass-wipe pals or talk into their pathetic headset while teaming up to kill zombies on a computer screen while doing so, their message is alive!

Happy 1-year anniversary you “occupy” stalwarts. Now, try occupying a job, residence or the inner thighs of a female for a change you filthy fucks. Get a life, get a message and get a grasp of what you really “think” you’re against before you take to your smart phone device to tell me how bad corporate America is. Keep thinking you had a place in history and I’ll keep thinking I have an 11-inch cock and a tongue that could lift a Volkswagen.

If you’re my voice, I’d rather be mute…KMFP-out!

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