08

Well, here it is, and a lot of you can’t wait. It’s me saying I was r…r…really pissed? Yeah, well that, but not what I’m looking for. I was r…r…religiously moved by a particularly special shit? Yep, been there too, but that’s not it either. I, my friends and enemies, was WRONG.

I was wrong in 1988 when I assumed that broad wouldn’t be opposed to just one knuckle back there, I was wrong in my anticipation of the Olsen twin’s 18th-birthday and now I was wrong about the Presidential election. Not wrong about my opinions or the fact that I’m scared shitless of what’s to come, but definitely wrong about the outcome…REALLY wrong.

Now here I am, hat in hand, ready to eat some public crow. It won’t be the first time and certainly not the last. I was only kidding at first about having trouble saying “I was wrong”. Fuck, I “I was wronged” my way through an entire marriage, I’m a goddamned pro.

So go ahead and serve up that steaming pile of crow. I haven’t had something big and black in my mouth since college and that was perfectly excusable, as I really wanted to get into that fraternity. I suspect the taste will be equally as bad but, unlike 1990, there’s nobody here forcing me to swallow.

I spew my opinions loud and proud, with nary a hint of remorse for your reaction, and I make no apologies for that. You read them, react as you may and I thank you for your support. I’m plenty man enough to admit when my drivel ends up completely wrong and this is one of those times. I thought the election would be very close and really thought Mitt (we’re on a first name basis) would pull it out. Jesus Horatio Christ was I drinking the fucking Kool-Aid.

This thing was arguably a blowout. I don’t know what some of these prognosticators used as a basis for prediction, but holy shit did they miss the mark. I was already afraid as an American that even close to half of the people of this country would vote in the “other” direction, and my fears have now been intensified as I come to the sickening realization that I’m in the minority.

It’s probably a good thing I don’t write on Wednesdays because I was ass-deep in “off my rocker” on Tuesday night and most of yesterday, as those brave enough to know me on Facebook can tell you. We all know I’m a huge fan of jerking, and knee-jerking is no exception. My immediate reaction was somewhere just short of insane. I wasn’t hateful or attacking, but in full-on paranoia and overreaction mode.

With 24-hours to decompress, pound the monkey like it owed me money and disembowel a billy goat for ultimate relaxation, I’m now in a happier place. My array of past therapists would be happy that I talked myself off of the ledge and continually recited “S-E-R-E-N-D-I-P-I-T-Y” in lieu of physically harming old people or assholes, both of which are represented in masses these days.

Yes, the election is over and the democratic process has once again been executed, producing a result that was determined by “the people”. While extremely nervous and unhappy with the results, I’ll still take the right to take part in the process that produced them over the tradeoff of living in some foreign shithole where the only voice of mine that’s heard is begging for mercy.

A revamp of the Electoral College is definitely something that should seriously be discussed, but I’m not going to get bitchy and cry “foul” or go into some “we got cheated” soapbox. The majority spoke and my guy fucking lost. I’m now 2 – 4 in my voting career and apparently not a good wagon to hitch to.

Does it confuse and scare the fuck out of me that this is the honest feeling of the majority of people that I walk amongst everyday day? Your goddamned right it does…to no end. But it’s what was voted, per the system we live within, and apparently the direction that most think will steer us back into prosperity. I can, and have to, live with that, or get on that plane to nowhere that the likes of Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins and that insufferable prick, Sean Penn, promised to board back when George W. won.

I had the freedom to vote, executed that freedom, and still get a thrill each time by the fact that I’m allowed to. Anybody that ever played a team sport with me not only knows how fucking good I look in tight softball pants and a sleeveless shirt, but also what a horribly sore loser I am. I like losing about as much as I like The Rolling Stones, Tom Hanks in a leading role or this reelected leader of ours. I’ll take the highest road I’m capable of, which isn’t exactly scraping the clouds. I tip my cap to those of you who won, or at least those of you that truly believed in your vote and didn’t just want to be “part of something”, and I begrudgingly say “congratulations”.

Fork, check – knife, check – big, black bird and a tall glass of “asshole” to wash down my wrongness, check, check.

CAW…KMFP-out!


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Mike in South City
# Mike in South City
Thursday, November 08, 2012 8:58 AM
Obamis is a (insert cuss word). I am (insert cuss word) of this (insert cuss word). The (insert cuss word) electoral college needs to be (insert cuss word) looked at. Amurhicah is (insert cuss word) becoming a (insert cuss word) third world (insert cuss word) country. BLAH BLAH BLAH (insert cuss word) BLAH BLAH BLAH (insert cuss word).........
mike8585
# mike8585
Thursday, November 08, 2012 9:40 AM
This is officially not our parents or grandparents "America". Just one big fucking mix of shit. Just divide the country up. Seems to be a constant in whether a state votes red or blue.
Jesus Quintana
# Jesus Quintana
Thursday, November 08, 2012 9:49 AM
The kool-aid you drank was believing that Romney or the GOP had any intention to solve the financial issues of this country. 2/3 of the spending is directing tied to their base and they would not have touched that in a million years (neither will the Dems for that matter).
Chris_Reed
# Chris_Reed
Thursday, November 08, 2012 10:30 AM
oooh, let's play Mad Libs with MISC's post:

Obama is a (Damnit). I am (shit) of this (fuck). The (piss) electoral college needs to be (asshole) looked at. Amuricah is (twat) becoming a (fart) third world (cunt) country. BLAH BLAH BLAH (turd) BLAH BLAH BLAH (cum dumpster)........
jpkimlin
# jpkimlin
Friday, November 09, 2012 11:01 AM
I hate Mad Libs, but well conceived Chris! Altho, some of your cuss words were a little weak (well, some were pretty strong too!!)

K - I agree with your sentiments, but I bet your life will change very little, if at all, due to the election. I hope your columns don't have to change.

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