Week 15 of The Friendly’s Football Picks of The Week

I feel like the wonderful Danny Cooksey in Diff’rent Strokes.

You had Willis, Arnold, and Kimberly, the delightful Dana Plato, and like many shows in the 1980’s, when things started to slack, they brought in a cute kid…oftentimes with a bowl cut.

Outside of not being cute, or being a kid, or having a head symmetrical enough to have a bowl cut, Danny Cooksey and I are one in the same.

This Cooksey character was doing great things. But, with the exception of Dixie Carter, Mr. Drummond’s new wife, everyone ignored him.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am doing great things. I am an attention whore. I demand your attention.

This South City Sharp pwnd it to the tune of 6-1 last weekend to bring my record to 60-30 on the season. That’s 67%, yo. It’d be tough to do that straight up…but against the spread?

Nonetheless, most of you manwhores continue to ignore the answer key I provide every weekend, and you go all square picking favorites and public specials.

Follow me. Follow me to freedom.

Both Denny from Friendly’s and Producer Joe are having decent years. No one is below .500 (with the exception of the annual tradition of Producer Joe’s Locks of The Week), but I am on the verge of mathematically eliminating them already.

This is gangster shit.

Tim: 60-30 (9-5 Locks of The Week)

Denny: 46-44 (7-7 Locks of The Week)

Producer Joe: 45-45 (5-9 Locks of The Week)

Only one person was able to beat me last week, and that was #nolesfan, who shipped the $25 gift certificate to Friendly’s by going 7-0. Tip of the cap to #nolefan. Impressive.

Can you go undefeated this weekend?


Just enter whatever I pick.

I’m giving you the answers.

You people have lives. Things to do on the weekend. Kids.

I don’t.

I sit on the couch and watch football for 30 hours a weekend.

This isn’t a coincidence.

The only byproduct of my pathetic existence is picking football games correctly.

Let my worthlessness to society provide you with a financial blanket.

Here’s my guide to financial independence:

1.Bet my games.
2.Bet against Producer Joe’s Lock of The Week.
3.Purchase home in Huntleigh.

Game on.

Missouri vs. Auburn (-2) in Atlanta

Producer Joe:
It really is hard to believe that we are making a pick for the SEC Championship Game and Missouri is one of the teams. Really hard to believe. I have no problem admitting that I was wrong about the team this season. I also know that less than 5% of the fans thought this was possible. So it is even more incredible that I feel as good about Missouri winning the SECCG because even if you were confident in them winning the East, you would not feel nearly as good about them beating a team from the West.  On top of that, the fact that Auburn is the team that Mizzou will be squaring off against is even more remarkable. Auburn is the luckiest team in the country and it isn't even close.  They would have lost against A&M if Manziel didn't get dinged and have to miss some time late in that game. Follow that up with unbelievable late luck against Georgia and Alabama & here they are in Atlanta this weekend.  Eventually that luck runs out and it happens in the Georgia Dome. Something I haven't heard this week is the fact that the game is being played indoors and I believe that helps Missouri much more offensively than Auburn. Pick: Missouri (+2)

Denny: Pick: Missouri (+2)

On November 24, 2012, I wrote a column on this website laying out empirical data as to why I believed it was in the best interest of the Missouri football program to part ways with Gary Pinkel. It wasn’t some angry, emotional rant. It was a rather painful analysis. I stated that I knew he would not get fired and had earned a chance to write the ship, but that the trend dating back to the Nebraska loss in 2010 was indicative of a program in trouble. 376 days later, I’m picking Missouri---with Gary Pinkel as head coach---to win the SEC Championship. I’ve never been so happy to be so wrong. And, I was wrong. So, while the 67% against the spread is a thing of beauty, the turnaround of Missouri is, next to the 1999 Rams, the biggest surprise I’ve experienced as a sports fan. It also seems that the rest of the country is rather surprised by it…since every single state in the United States is picking Auburn to win the game on ESPN.com’s SportsNation. Oh, with the exception of Missouri. But it’s 68% to 32%. And, with that, you see the ESPN-ization of America. Whoever gets the most attention must be the best team, right? Derp. Auburn’s a damn good team. But, as Clay Travis wrote in picking the Missouri version of the Tigers yesterday, “Ultimately, I believe Missouri has been the most impressive team in the SEC this season.” How many of those people who picked Auburn have watch Missouri play four quarters of football this year? Hell, how many of the voters have watched Missouri play four quarters of football this year? They’ll see it this weekend. And, as insane as this is for me to be writing, which is a Friday tradition for me to write, they will see Missouri become the 2013 SEC Champions. Pick: Missouri (+2)

Duke vs. Florida State (-28.5) in Charlotte

Producer Joe:
I am writing this before the Winston news comes out from Willie Meggs.  I have no idea what is going to take place at 1:00, but I am still going to take the points.  There is no doubt in my mind that FSU wins the game whether Winston is playing or not, but laying more than 4 TDs in a Championship game isn't something I am interested in doing. Pick: Duke (+28.5)

Denny: Pick: Duke (+28.5)

Speaking of teams few people have watched…here’s Duke. I loved Duke against Miami-Florida three weeks ago. They won by 18, but it was absolutely clear that Miami had more talent. As a matter of fact, when the game was tight at halftime, I was thinking about shipping a small taste on the Hurricanes, because based on what I saw in the first half, I didn’t see Duke winning and covering my wager. Glad I didn’t. They outplayed Miami-Florida in the second half and won by 18. I’m still not really sure how they did it. It makes me wonder if David Cutcliffe has some kind of ridiculous coaching ability in 2013 that he lacked when he was scuffling at Ole Miss. Pick: Duke (+28.5)

Ohio State (-5) vs. Michigan State in Indianapolis

Producer Joe:
 I hate Ohio State, hate Urban Meyer, and don't think Ohio State is very good. Are they the best team in a crappy conference?  Maybe. Do I think that if they win they are deserving of a place in the BCS Championship Game? Nope.  Somehow we have been told that being undefeated in an AQ conference is worthy of fighting for the National Championship and I don't buy it.  Not all conferences are created equally, whether they are AQ or not.  The B1G is not equal to the SEC. Last week against Michigan was just another indicator that OSU isn't all that good. And the Illinois game was another. If OSU played in SEC-E they would have lost at least 2 games. In the SEC-W? Probably 3. Pick: Michigan State (+5)

Denny: Pick: Michigan State (+5)

A couple of thoughts here: 1. When all three of us pick the same three college teams, which has happened three times this year, we’re 2-1 going undefeated on those weekends. 2. The second-most important game of the 2013 Missouri football season doesn’t even involve the Tigers. It’s this one. For the last few weeks, I’ve been cool with watching Ohio State win…because I always believed they’d lose to Michigan State. The Spartans have outscored their last five opponents 156-45. This should be a damn good game, and if things go as I expect them to at the Georgia Dome, I’ll be huddled with other Missouri fans at a sports bar in Atlanta afterwards freaking out about the outcome of the Big Ten Championship Game. And then we’ll wait about 24 hours and freak about about the final BCS Standings…to make sure Alabama doesn’t suddenly get a bunch of human voter support to stay ahead of Missouri. I like Missouri in Atlanta. I like Michigan State in Indianapolis. And barring the Fifth Down of BCS Standings shows on Sunday night, because of the first two, I like the chances of Missouri and Florida State being paired in Pasadena January 6th. Or maybe there’s a miracle in Charlotte, and that results in Missouri playing Alabama…just not in Atlanta. Pick: Michigan State (+5)

Rams at Cardinals (-6.5)

Producer Joe:
Have no idea what to expect from the Rams.  I hope they lose. I hope they lose every game they have left this season. Also hope the Redskins lose every game they have left.  That would be the ulitmate win-win over the final 4 weeks.  I also look forward to everything that comes out of Rams Park starting in January when the Rams have an idea of where exactly they will have draft positions. They will probably trade out of the Redskins spot (hopefully Top 3) and pick up some more draft spots, but more than anything, I can't wait to hear this franchise continue to think they have quality starting QB.  I also look forward to everyone talking about how close the Rams are next year to getting into the playoffs, because well, they have the 4th best QB in the division.  Ugh. Good chance both Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Floyd end with 100 yard receiving days.  Yippee! Pick: Cardinals (-6.5)

Denny: Pick: Cardinals (-6.5)

Tim: Pick: Cardinals (-6.5)

Chiefs (-3) at Redskins

Producer Joe: If there is anything the Chiefs know this season, it is beating mediocre/bad football teams (Jags, Cowboys, Eagles, Giants, Titans, Raiders, Texans, Browns, & Bills). Yep, those are their 9 wins this season. What does those nine teams have in common? None of them are going to either Championship game this season.  The Redskins belong in that group and join them this weekend. Pick: Chiefs (-3)

Denny: Pick: Chiefs (-3)

A few weeks ago, I theorized a futures bet on the Chiefs was a good play, because I thought they’d have a two-game lead on the Broncos by now. Yep. I’m 67% against the spread…but that clearly isn’t 100%. They’re a mess right now. So are the Redskins. I’m torn here. Pick: Redskins (+3)

Lions at Eagles (-2.5)

Producer Joe:
Don't have a clue who wins this game, but I know I am taking the over. Probably will throw it into a sweetheart 4 teamer and feel pretty damn good about it. I have to make a pick and the coin lands with the visitor. Pick: Lions (+2.5)

Denny: Pick: Eagles (-2.5)

Tim: Pick: Lions (+2.5)

Locks of The Week

Producer Joe:
Oklahoma at Oklahoma State (-9.5): Bob Stoops doesn't win big games. Pick: Oklahoma State (-9.5)

Denny: Giants at Chargers (-3): Pick: Chargers (-3)

Tim: Seahawks at 49ers (-2.5): Pick: 49ers (-2.5)

Now it’s your chance to participate in the fun and games. Pick the six games we picked, and then select a new game as your Lock of The Week with the latest spreads from www.scoresandodds.com. As a tiebreaker, pick the total points of the Missouri-Auburn. Whoever does the best wins a $25 gift certificate to Friendly’s Sports Bar And Grill (3503 Roger Place).

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