Predictions You'll Hear at the Scottrade Center in the Second Half

Ben Bishop Will Be Traded for Zach Parise:
Listen everyone knows that Marty Brodeur is old.  That means the Devils need a goalie.  With the Blues having Brian Elliott and Jaroslav Halak locked up for the next two seasons, Ben Bishop makes sense for a trade.  Based on the rule of Supply and Demand from the economics class I took in high school, Ben Bishop has more value to the Devils than he does to the Blues.  Enter Zach Parise.  He’s exactly what the Blues need.  He’s scored 30 goals four times, 45 goals once.  He’s a UFA, and the Devils are always in cap trouble.  Ben Bishop and Ian Cole, Jonas Junland and a fourth round pick for Zach Parise. Damnit Doug Armstrong and Co, it’s made sense for three years now, get it done!

Berglund will Play like a Beast:
Look at his size, 6’4 218 lbs.  He’s got all of the tools to be a dominating center and score 40 goals.  The way he played in the World Championships last summer shows he can be the best player in the world.  We’ve seen flashes of that this season, like the last game before the All Star Game.  He’s Oshie’s buddy and Oshie has turned it around under Hitch…it’s only a matter of time for Berglund. 

Tarasenko Will Score 50 Goals Next Year:
Look at Alex Ovechkin or Evgeny Malkin…he is that good.  Trust me.  He dominated kids his age at the World Juniors last year.  He is among the top scorers in the KHL, which could be the second best league in the world.  The Blues found an absolute superstar in this pick, and like the other great Russians in the NHL he will have instant success. 

Barrett Jackman Will Get Traded for a Bag of Pucks:
Listen, Jax was a hell of a player when he first came up, but with the new rules after the lockout, he just doesn’t have it anymore.  He’s too slow and doesn’t score much.  Sure his leadership is evident, he can make life a living hell for opposing forwards, and is very skilled at taking away shooting lanes on the penalty kill, but damn it there may be ten giveaways in a game and you know Jackman is good for one of them. 

The Blues Will Win the Stanley Cup:
I haven’t been this excited about a team since 2001.  If they can get home ice advantage with their home record they’ll be able to win every series in seven games.  Jaroslav Halak has shown his ability to steal playoff series, so scoring won’t be an issue in April and May, plus with the addition of Zach Parise (New Jersey will break this own rule when we offer Bishop), the power play will carry us.  Not that a power play matters in the playoffs, look at last year’s Boston Bruins. 

Comedy is hard.