posted on November 02, 2012 00:00
Here we are on day 48 of the NHL lockout. Since the owners have decided to play a game of grabass with the players’ association by refusing to negotiate because the NHLPA won’t kowtow to their latest proposal, I have a solution to the problem.
Morgan Freeman playing the role of Joe Clark: The hoodlum owners can help you. Let them negotiate around this place for a while. And tear down the walls with the players. You treat them like animals, that’s exactly how they’ll behave! This is my new dean of security. Mr. William Wright. He will be my avenging angel as you owners reclaim the league. This is an institution of negotiating ladies and gentlemen. If you can’t control it, how can you negotiate!? Negotiating is not the enemy of compromise! Mr. Stillman?
Bring in Morgan Freeman to talk to the owners.
Playing the role of principal Joe Clark from the classic film Lean On Me.
I’m dead serious.
I have already come up with a “screenplay” so to speak as to how it will go down when Morgan Freeman playing the role of principal Joe Clark will go down. Come with me to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe will you? Here comes the trolley…….
Stan Kroenke: We want to welcome Mr. Clark. We’ve heard so much about you. And tell you what we have done in anticipation of your arrival. Mr. Wang (no offense) who is the New York Islanders owner and I have appointed an executive committee to oversee certain areas where we have noted a need for improvement. Mr. Ilitch for example….
Morgan Freeman playing the role of Joe Clark: You may sit down Mr. Kroenke. You think you can negotiate? If you could then I wouldn’t be here would I? No one talks in my meetings. NO ONE! You will take out your pencils and write. I want the names of every owner, commissioner, and miscreant who’s done nothing but take this league apart on my desk by noon today. Reverend Lemieux?
Mario Lemieux: Yes sir?
Morgan Freeman playing the role of Joe Clark: You are now the chief custodian Reverend Lemieux. You will scour these negotiations clean. Grabassing starts up, it stops the very next day. Is that clear?
Mario Lemieux: Yes sir, very next day.
Tom Stillman: Yes sir?
Morgan Freeman playing the role of Joe Clark: Mr. Stillman, you are now my new NHL commissioner. Mr. Bettman? Stand up Mr. Bettman. Mr. Bettman will be your secretary. You know why you’re being demoted Mr. Bettman? Because I’m sick and tired of our league locking out on your watch. Thank you sit down. I want precision. I want a negotiating program. And if you don’t like it Mr. Bettman, you can quit. Same goes for the rest of you. You’ve tried it your way for years. And you owners can’t even get past the minimum basic negotiating test. That means you can hardly negotiate! They’ve given me less than one month, one league month to turn this place around. To get this league playing again. So that President Barack Obama will not take us over to perform the task which you have failed to do! To negotiate with the NHLPA! Forget about the way it used to be. This is not a damn democracy. We are in a state of emergency and my word is law! There’s only one boss in this place and that’s me! The H.N.I.C! Are there any questions? Mr. Wright?
Stan Kroenke: The H.N.I.C.?
Charles Wang (no offense): The Head NHLer In Charge.
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