posted on June 29, 2012 11:25
While they’ve just come off of a 6-3 road trip, finally lost after winning 5-in a row and seemed to find a bit of that early season offensive explosiveness, the glaring weakness of this squad, and will be their undoing if not addressed, is the bullpen. With the starting pitching on a steady pace for a considerable time now, they hand over the ball to whoever the 7th-inning guy is with the trepidation of handing your daughter over to an internship at the White House in 1995.
Mitchell Boggs experienced his share of hiccups, but now seems to have sewn up the 8th-inning and Jason Motte, though rarely without fanfare, is the closer. When his stubborn ass realizes that he can’t throw 9-straight fastballs, no matter how fast they are, by the bat of a major league hitter without him eventually timing it like a convenient bathroom break when the “jukebox money” broad comes around, he seems to be far more successful.
No, it’s the 7th-inning that has been the bane of this less than stellar bullpen. When an opposing team is close and gets to the Cardinal bullpen and their 4.46 ERA and 106-runs allowed, like the wife of a vasectomy patient, they no longer worry about what’s coming.Fernando Salas and Eduardo “Dirty” Sanchez were huge cars in last season’s Cardinal train. But Salas can’t fool anybody anymore and Dirty Sanchez can’t find the lip that is home plate to even attempt to smear his cock mustache upon. Ordering him to intentionally walk the first batter the other night was equal to offering Lindsay Lohan one vodka/cranberry and then trying to keep her out of an ankle bracelet. You done smacked that pony on the ass and sent it away with the mail, now sit back and watch the mess you created.
Marc Rzepfuckit is a lefty specialist and is starting to succeed again when held to that responsibility alone. These young arms and retreads, Victor Marte and Sam Freeman, are pitching exactly how you’d expect a Victor Marte and Sam Freeman to pitch. I mean, who the hell are they?
The strength of last year’s back end was a HUGE key to the unbelievable postseason success. They will not win with the current configuration and, with apparently no help down in the Minors, the scrap heap and trade market must be explored.
A healthy Chris Carpenter could send Lance Lynn back to mid-relief and could possibly shore up the 7th-inning situation while also calming the nerves of every kneejerk columnist and purse-swinging radio host in town regarding the wearing down of Lynn as the season progresses. But if you really think we’ll see Carp on the mound again this season, I’ve got a little game of “this will only hurt for a little while” to play with you. Another setback and a trip to a specialist is not looking good and this medical staff can be trusted as much to make a good decision as the Supreme Court these days.
If the Cardinals, like the hoards of journalists covering them, are convinced that Lance is at the end of his starting rope, John Mozeliak must put something together to land a suitable starter and secure his move to anchor the front end of the bullpen. “Mo” has shown signs, in his young tenure, of becoming every bit as crafty a technician in the trading game as his predecessor, Walt Jocketty. And, after heeding my endless pining for the departure of Colby Rasmus a year ago, I’d still slip him a handy on the “Kiss Cam” for turning the key that would ultimately bring this city another World Championship.
Here’s to illegals and health care rammed up our ass…KMFP-out!
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