Remember when Randy Quaid abducted Chevy Chase’s boss in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and the swat team breaks into the house to rescue him? After the boss tells the cops it was all one giant misunderstanding, he proceeds to tell Chase that “people make the difference, little people like you.”

Welcome to the Cardinal of the month club.

When God, Jesus, and Chuck Barris summoned Albert Pujols to Los Angeles to play for the Angels, I heard many fans say the Cardinals were screwed. Then Carlos Beltran signed and all was better in Cardinal Nation.

When Rafael Furcal went down with an elbow injury at the end of August, there’s not a person in this city (myself included) that thought a career .236 hitter in the minor leagues would be able to replace Mr. Happy Flight.

Welcome to the show, Pete Kozma.

Since the playoffs have started, Kozma has driven in 7 runs in 10 games while playing stellar defense at shortstop. Now the talk around town is we should have Kozma start in 2013 and delegate Furcal to the bench.

When Beltran left game 3 of the NLCS on Wednesday with a knee issue, I got bombarded with these texts from my friends:

“Well there goes the season”

“It was fun while it lasted”

“I told you we should have kept Pujols”

“Do you have naked pictures of Mr. Belding?”

If Jesus was a carpenter, then Matt Carpenter is Jesus. Whereas many people I talk to see John Mabry when they talk about Carpenter, I see Mark Grace minus the drinking problem. I also see WWE wrestler CM Punk, but the ITD Morning After friend of the show Larry Nickel would probably be the only person who gets that reference. It seems that every time “Bearded Carp” is thrust into action, he answers the bell time and time again and game 3 of the NLCS was no exception. When Beltran left the game with a knee injury, Carpenter picked up the production where number 3 left off by hitting a solo home run off Giants ace Matt Cain. It was exactly what the doctor ordered.

And what about the job Daniel Descalso has done? I have to be honest with you, I have been advocating that Skip Schumaker be the starting second baseman for months. And no, it’s not because I think he’s cute like every effing female in this town does. I would rather have the guy who can hit in the lineup than the guy who was hitting under .230.

Thank you for giving me a warm glass of shut the hell up Mr. Descalso.

Double D has delivered in this 2012 postseason. He’s hit two home runs and would have hit a third had it not been for that Hillbilly Jim look a like Jayson Werth robbing him in the NLDS. His clutch hit in game 5 against the Nationals is a big reason why the Cardinals are one game away tonight from their second consecutive World Series appearance.

I heard a guy in the Houston airport yesterday tell someone on the phone that even if the Cardinals make it to the World Series to face the Tigers, they don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell because of the pitching and hitting Detroit brings to the table. I will tell you what big mouth. I will see your Verlander, Scherzer, Sanchez, and Fister (who should be a honorary Cardinal by the way) and raise you Kozma, Carpenter, and Descalso. You can have all the stars in the world on your team, but if they stop producing and you don’t have a bench that can pick up the slack, your team is in a world of hurt. The Cardinals have bench players that not only pick up the slack, they thrive when put into a starting role.

The Cardinals are one win away from a date with Detroit. Buy the Giants some flowers, put their money on the dresser and tell them you are done with them boys. 12 in 12.

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