posted on January 30, 2013 00:00
Good Wednesday to you. If you need a canoe to get to work this morning, make sure you don't carpool with more than three people. It's for your own safety.
OSCAR AND BARRY
The Oscar Taveras hype train got some more coal in the engine when former Indians and Rangers GM John Hart said Oscar Taveras was comparable to a young Barry Bonds. Perhaps this is GM code for "comparable to a Barry Bonds not on the juice". We'll take it regardless.
You be the judge.
In the meantime, the Cards offense will be fun to watch when Taveras joins the likes of Holliday, Craig, Freese, Molina etc. Goodness.
ROB RYAN WILL ONLY BE UNEMPLOYED FOR FIVE MINUTES, GIVE OR TAKE 500,000
Rob Ryan is no longer the Rams defensive coordinator. Or perhaps a better way to say it is Rob Ryan never was the Rams defensive coordinator.
You know what I say? Let's talk about Meg Ryan instead.
Much better than Rex Ryan. He looks like Medusa sat on King Hippo's head.
THE RYAN FAMILY MATCH GAME
Match each Ryan family member to the letter with the description that most applies. The winner will be the first person to complete the test with a perfect score and will receive a counterfeit, autographed Rob Ryan sock puppet.
You have 5 minutes. Talk it out. Good luck.
A. Once suffered a heart attack resulting in a double coronary bypass.
B. Served as a Sergeant in the Korean War.
C. From an Irish Catholic family.
D. Thinks he's a better coach than his brother.
E. Has lived in Wisconsin since 1974.
F. Studied journalism at the University of Connecticut and New York University.
G. Once killed a prison guard in Australia.
H. 4th generation Wisconsin native who played pickup basketball games with D.C. sports bogger and blogger Dan Steinberg.
I. Has two first names.*
J. Shares his first name with Ronald Reagan's White House dog.
K. Graduated with a degree in History from Boston College.
L. His first college start came as a true freshman against a Big 10 team.
* You're right; that's an unfair description.
EX-49ERS LINEMAN BEAT UP EX-BOYFRIEND OVER SOY SAUCE, UNDERWEAR
Well at least he doesn't play for the 49ers now, anyway. From the Interwebs:
According to a report by the San Mateo Daily Journal, Harris and Geier had been involved in a romantic relationship but were just friends when they met at Su Hong restaurant. Harris, who intended to drive Geier to San Francisco International Airport, became upset when Geier poured soy sauce on a plate of rice, according to the civil suit.
The men argued, the suit states, and Harris decided not to take Geier to the airport. As the men left, Harris reportedly tried to pull Geier's pants down and accused him of stealing his underwear.
Man, if Kwame played for the 49ers right now, he'd go down in history as more famous than Barrett Robbins and Eugene Robinson.
DeWAYNE PATTERSON, RENALDO JACKSON USE FORKLIFT TO STEAL $60K IN CHICKEN WINGS
DeWayne and Renaldo worked at Nordic Cold Storage in Georgia. There they had access to thousands of pounds of frozen chicken wings.
Their failed heist is the frozen poultry version of a tandem of bank teller's trying to steal money from the company vault.
From the Altanta Journal Constitution:
On Jan. 12 around midday, the two men allegedly backed up an Enterprise rental truck to a bay door at the business, and loaded the truck with 10 pallets of Tyson frozen chicken wings, according to the report.
Managers at the business told police that Jackson used a forklift to load the wings while Patterson served as lookout.
It's interesting to note that the two men were arrested on a felony count and posted bond.
There is no word on the whereabouts of the wings.
BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR CHICKEN WINGS
Chicken wings are an important part of a good life's diet. If you see any of these wings, please collect them or return them to a rightful wing-chomper.
RYAN FAMILY MATCH GAME ANSWERS
1 - J, Rex
2 D, Rob
3. I, Sam
4. L, Tim
5. C, Matt
6. A, Nolan
7. F, Meg
8. K, Bob
9. E, Bo
10. H, Paul
11. B, Buddy
12. G, Ronald**
** Ronald Ryan was the last person ever executed in Australia. You weren't supposed to know that one. But if you guessed right or majored in Australian Criminology in college, give yourself a gold star.