posted on March 06, 2012 12:47
We are currently living in the age of BountyMania. Naturally, it's time to create an unfounded and unscientific rankings system of bounties in our current society.
9. WWE Royal Rumble 1999
At the annual 30 man over-the-top-rope Royal Rumble in 1999, Vince McMahon put a $100,000 bounty on Stone Cold Steve Austin. That meant whoever eliminated Austin would receive the money. Since the event was a letdown filled with predictable unpredictability, it stays at the bottom of our made up rankings.
The best part of the event wasn't even the Rumble itself, it was the sadistic I Quit Match between the Rock and Mick Foley, posing then as Mankind. Double bonus points for Vince McMahon's training regiment videos in the mold of the Rocky movies.
8 - Bounty (candy bar)
Chocolate bar sold internationally by the Mars corporation. It was introduced in 1951 and has a coconut filling enrobed with milk chocolate (the blue wrapper) or dark chocolate (red wrapper). It also comes wrapped in two individual halves.
7 - Dog the Bounty Hunter
He's a racist and a hoosier so that means he still has a show on the A&E network. This is the same network that brings us Hoarders, Intervention and Storage Wars.
6 - Samus Aran (Metroid)
I'll defer to i09's entry on Samus in its article on the 10 coolest bounty hunters in history: Orphaned at a young age and trained as a warrior, Samus was infused with Chozo DNA to make her a nearly unstoppable killer. Inspired by Ripley from the Alien movies, Samus is a loner hero who takes on Space Pirates and the Metroid race alike, with her powerful arm-cannon and her agile power suit. A former Federation Police officer, Samus struck out on her own as a bounty hunter, although she still works with the Federation sometimes.
The fact that she qualified for this list meant Samus was going to be a part of it. And at least she still works on a part time basis with the Federation. For those of you still confused as to Samus or Metroid is, it's a video game from Nintendo.
5 - The Bounty (movie)
In 1984, Anthony Hopkins and Mel Gibson starred in The Bounty. The film's executive producer was the late Dino De Laurentis. This is noteworthy because his granddaughter is the lovely and talented Giada De Laurentis from the show Everyday Italian. Oh Giada, how we love thee.
4 - Bounty Paper Towels
In 1965, Procter and Gamble unleashed Bounty Paper Towels as a replacement to Charmin. Nearly 50 years later, it's the synonymous "quicker-picker-upper". The fact that Giada might use these to clean up her kitchen keeps it in the top 5.
3 - "Thy Bounty"
The phrase "thy bounty" comes up in prayer, often before meals. Since I still know people who pray, this is relevant. If you don't pray but enjoy humility or gratefulness, you can appreciate the phrase.
2 - Boba Fett
He's one of the coolest Star Wars villains ever. A bounty hunter hired by Darth Vader to find the Millennium Falcon, he appeared in both Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. According to Wikipedia, Fett is the fifth highest selling action figure in Star Wars history. If Wikipedia says so, it must be true.
1 - Greg Williams and the Saints Bounty
You just can't escape this. The only way for the New Orleans Saints to escape the problem is to talk about signing Randy Moss. That is a serious, grave media situation.