posted on June 05, 2012 08:33
Hello there. I made a horrible, glaring omission in yesterday's column. For yesterday, June 4th, marked what would have been the 75th birthday of the one and only Robert "Gino" Marella, better known to the wrestling world as Gorilla Monsoon.
Gorilla was more or less the narrator of the 1980s and early 90s WWF that many of us grew up on. I'm pretty sure that somewhere in Heaven yesterday there was a birthday party that turned to "pandemonium" (and possibly a "pier 6 brawl"), that caused many souls to "go bananas" and was "deafening" to the point that you could "literally cut the electricity with a knife".
Happy 75th to the Gorilla!
MATHENY GETS AWAY WITH QUESTIONABLE DECISION
The Cards salvaged their game Monday afternoon, but it wasn't easy. Matheny's decision to poll Lohse in 7th was questionable at best. Lohse had thrown just 76 pitches and the Birds had a one run lead. The following two innings, Mark Rzhoweveryouspellit and Eduardo Sanchez each gave up runs. Thankfully the closer stopped the bleeding and Allen Craig hit a bomb. I mean it was a bomb. Otherwise a lot of people would be talking about how removing Lohse in favor of Matt Adams in the Top of the 7th was a move that royally backfired.
The Cards offense, by the way, completed its 7th consecutive game with at least 8 combined strike outs. That's a club record. No bueno. Can we just put this mess behind us?
Here's a summary of work the Cardinals performed at the 2012 draft yesterday.
NEW RULE - NO MORE SLOBBERING, ESPN
In honor of BIll Maher's minority ownership of the Mets, here's a New Rule for ESPN to follow: no more ass kissing NY teams when something great happens. Holy crap, you'd think Johan Santana threw four no-hitters after rescuing a litter of kittens from a burning apartment. Is it even that big of a deal that one franchise finally threw a no-no? Unless ESPN's family of shows will provide the same coverage and reaction for the San Diego Padres (the lone team remaining without a no hitter), the past 72 hours of programming have been filthy-full of genital massaging.
POLL: CARLOS, JOHAN OR TITO SANTANA
Carlos - He plays guitar.
Johan - He throws changeups.
Tito - He executes the flying forearm. Ole!
Text your answer to *shutup on your ESPN Mobile device.
The 66 most overrated women of 2012. Whatever.
The daughter of former NBA player Gerald Wilkins (brother of Human Highlight Reel) finished 4th in the Miss USA contest. Her body is definitely a highlight.
USA gymnast Shawn Johnson has retired. You can still see her being really flexible in Bounty commercials on TV right now.
This article from Bleacher Report is invalid because it doesn't include Paste from Bases Loaded.
The team that has the longest streak of NOT being no-hit? The Cubbies! Hey, they don't suck at something!
What will Jason Whitlock say about the Spurs after publishing this column Monday?
Update on the Mets douche-fan who crashed the Santana no hitter party.
Darth Vader got a parking ticket in NYC.
Brooke Hogan's dress looks like it has a horrible case of psoriasis.
VIDEO: SHAWN JOHNSON'S TACO POPS
Shawn says so herself in this 2008 commercial that aired during the Beijing Summer Games.
That is just great to know.