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Life is hard. And there is no question we all have plenty going on upstairs. I created this list because I thought it would be an enjoyable read, but also because considering things like these is something that, once mature, a lot of us men don't do often enough. We become the proverbial "old dogs", and that's unfortunate.
Anyway, I hope that you enjoy the following Ten Things Men Should Do From Time To Time and challenge one another to come up with a few of your own. 

1. Stand Your Ground.
Literally. Common sense should always set the precedence, but when standing still in a public setting, baring an emergency of some sort, you have the right of way. When some aloof jackass encroaches upon your personal space, own it. Do not move. Do not give way. In some cases, I might even suggest a subtle elbow extension in the assailant’s direction, followed by an insincere apology.

Perhaps this makes me an asshole. I don’t care. Such flagrant, ignorant displays of disrespect – especially in social settings drinking is involved – are simply far too common for my taste. Making offenders of your private space aware of the offense is an honorable public service as far as I am concerned.  
 
2. Pee Outdoors. Whether one opts for the “Sneaky Pete” maneuver (knees bent slightly, scanning the scene), or the “Zen master” (eyes closed in reverence, head tilted upwards and straight ahead), peeing outdoors is an indispensable aspect of being a man. May a cool autumn breeze waft through your pumpkin patch in the near future.

3. Write Out A List Of Personal Goals. Did this several years back…forgot about it…came across the list a few years later and was stunned at the number of items that came into fruition. Whatever your spiritual position on the mysteries of the Universe, I would argue that there has got to be something to this. Try it out. No risk...significant potential reward.

4. Call Out Another Man’s Bullshit. A while back I worked with this dude who – and I bullshit you not – was a master cellist (that would be one who has mastered the art of playing the cello), a semi-pro Frisbee golfer (a stat he would frequently boast to golfing business contacts who had no idea what the fuck he was talking about), a guy who was once “big into the Joplin street racing scene” (a suped up Escort or similar I believe it was), and who was also “certified” to do autopsies, whatever that means. In fact, “Certifications” were a big part of his social resume. He was also a former football star at Truman State and chairman of his fraternity; both astounding feats considering how fat and unathletic he was/is, and the fact no one seemed to like him.  

He also was/is an extremely insecure asshole who would just as soon throw you under the boss’ Lexus as he would conjure up these embarrassingly absurd fabrications.

Nothing, I mean nothing brought me more joy than calling him out by simply asking questions, or mockingly suggesting, “you’re certified in that, aren’t you?”

Hopefully, compulsive liars like him are far and few between, but a lot of people bullshit and embellish facts believing the odds are that nobody cares to, or has the balls to challenge them. Sadly, they are often right about this. This ends with you now. 

Similarly…

4. Put An Attractive Yet Bitchy Woman In Check.
By most anyone’s standards, she was hot. And she’d been looking in my direction for a while that night. So when she made her way through the crowd and into my vicinity, I knew I had to say something before she passed.

I did – a simple flirtatious greeting of some sort – and was shocked when she greeted me back with an unmistakable look of disgust. I suppose my reply was as abrupt to her as it was sincere.

“You’re hot. But you’re clearly a bitch. Have a nice night.”

A lady friend of mine confirmed that my analysis lingered with her at least into the ladies room, where she bitched about my remark to her friends. This pleased me greatly.     

5. Fix Something Yourself. There are three types of men in this world…those who are satisfied to have the funds to solve problems, those who take pride in solving problems themselves, and those who are capable of neither.

Obviously, avoid being that last one. And there is certainly no shame in paying for the services of a skilled professional. But tackling a project with no prior knowledge or expertise and finding success to some extent or another often produces a degree of fulfillment unmatched.

6. Go To A Crowded Bar Alone. Not as a social outcast, but as an observer of the communal landscape. Absorb and imbibe the scene. Do so with an air of conviction and you may even pique someone’s interest. But don’t do it all the time. That’s creepy.    

7. Read A Book. I’m embarrassed for our society that reading an entire book is as novel a concept as it is. But it’s as good for our cognitive faculties as it is entertaining. And if your objection to reading an entire book is related to a poor attention span…well…case in point. 

8. Sing Karaoke. I’m kidding. Unless you have legitimate talent, you need to cut that shit out. And don’t tell me you’re “just having a good time” either. What you’re doing is seeking a drunken escape from a life that clearly lacks a legitimate creative outlet, and you’re doing it at the expense of others who are likely actually trying to have a legitimate good time.

The same applies for those attempting to start waves at sporting events. Therefore, my actual suggestion is that you be sure to have a legitimate creative outlet in your life and that you nurture it, but also that you...

9. Boo A Shitty Karaoke Singer. And/or...

10. Boo A Wave Starter. They've had it coming for some time now.

Thoughts? Got a few of your own? Deeply offended and wish to retaliate? Do not hesitate.  

J. Adams is a columnist here at InsideSTL, which means what he writes is solely his opinion and shouldn't be taken personally. So don't be a little bitch about it, but feel free to comment, email him at justin@intangiball.com or follow him via @Intangiball on Twitter
 

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Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Thursday, September 29, 2011 7:49 AM
11. Cum on another man's face. Signed, @ProdJoe
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Thursday, September 29, 2011 10:59 AM
12. Suck off five dudes via a truck stop glory hole. Signed, @ProdJoe
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Thursday, September 29, 2011 10:08 PM
13. Finger his own asshole until the wee hours of the morning. Signed, @ProdJoe
J. Adams
# J. Adams
Thursday, September 29, 2011 10:33 PM
You don't like Producer Joe. Message received.
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Friday, September 30, 2011 6:10 AM
14. Gently fondle @ProdJoe's ball sac. Signed, J. Adams
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Friday, September 30, 2011 6:29 AM
15. Tuck your hang dong back so Douglas Elvin Vaughn can eat it from behind.
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Friday, September 30, 2011 9:03 AM
16. Sit on a black 12 inch anal dildo...without lube! Signed, @ J. Adams
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Friday, September 30, 2011 9:33 AM
17. Finger blast a stranger up their Hershey Highway until they cry... then stare at them until they apologize to you.
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Friday, September 30, 2011 9:34 AM
18. Receive a dry handjob from your mother with eye contact.
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Friday, September 30, 2011 9:36 AM
19. Boo Steven Skelton for being a bitch and not booing bad singers.
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Friday, September 30, 2011 9:37 AM
20. Enjoy 3 minutes with another man ;) ! Sincerely, Steven Skelton
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Friday, September 30, 2011 9:47 AM
21. Get teabagged by every player on the Cardinal roster. Best, Jimmy "The Cat" Hayes
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Friday, September 30, 2011 9:49 AM
22. Sob softly as you get anally raped by five black men. Tearfully, Steven Skelton
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Friday, September 30, 2011 4:09 PM
23. Pop three Viagra's so that you can have a 24 hour gay sex marathon. Signed, @ProdJoe and Kevin "The Non Gay"
J. Adams
# J. Adams
Saturday, October 01, 2011 11:59 AM
Don't you guys have some karaoke and/or wave starting to do?

Thanks for reading.
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Monday, October 03, 2011 5:38 AM
24. Yell Saaaaaaaaccccckkkkk!!!
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Monday, October 03, 2011 5:39 AM
25. Get double teamed in a bathroom by using two glory holes at once.
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Monday, October 03, 2011 5:42 AM
26. Swap Tim McKernan's cum with Kevin "the absolute gay." Signed, @ProdJoe
FINGERBANGER
# FINGERBANGER
Monday, October 03, 2011 9:17 AM
27. Fuck a man in the ass and HAVE the courtesy to give him a reach-around too. Signed, Kevin "The Absolute Gay"
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Tuesday, October 04, 2011 9:36 AM
28. Lick Tim McKernan's taint while taking The Cat's cock in your ass. Signed, J. Adams
Sook Deek
# Sook Deek
Tuesday, October 04, 2011 9:39 AM
29. Attend J. Adam's weekly bukkake session and watch as he takes 20 "ropes" to his face. Signed, @ProdJoe
Anonymous User
# Anonymous User
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 10:49 PM
Making Your List And Checking It Twice

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